Young and Unaware

I’m 19 now and it took 4 years for me to process what had happened. I really only became aware of it 1 year ago. But when I was 14, I was dating a boy who was 17. I had lied about my age and he thought I was 15, I guess I thought you seemed cool dating boys who were older than you. One afternoon I told my mum I was going to hang at one of my girlfriends houses so I left and caught a cab to hang with my boyfriend at his friends house. It seemed pretty cool, they were all smoking weed, chatting and laughing. One of the boys had pre-mixed a 1.5L bottle of Solo and vodka and began to egg me into sculling it with the words “we thought you were cool, come on! Oh you wouldn’t be able to do it, would you”. So I got peer pressured because I was trying to seem cool in front of my boyfriend and 3 of his friends. I blacked out and woke up naked in a shower, one of the boys was washing my vomit off my body. Another walked into the bathroom, grabbed me. Carried me up the stairs as I was naked and helpless and threw me onto one of the boys spare bedroom floor. I remember looking at my self naked and wet and not being able to move or get words out of my mouth. The boy who gave me the pre-mixed vodka was the first to give it a shot, then my boyfriend, then the other two friends. I lost my virginity that day. Once it was over they dragged me to the lounge room my boyfriend dumped me and laughed in my face about me lying about my age and about the blood running down my legs. They then threw my clothes at me, called a cab and put me in it. I got home, stumbled up the stairs to my bedroom and laid in my bed still and wet. My mum came in moments later asking if I was okay, if my friend had given me drugs. I responded with “I’m exhausted” and closed my eyes. I never told mum what had happened till 2 months ago. I didn’t want her to think I had abandoned her trust. I kept what had happened to my self for so long. But at the time, I went to school and got bullied and called a slut because the boys and my boyfriend had started rumors. About a month later after the gang rape, I called my mum after school to go to my friends house and my mum said “no, please come home. We’ve been robbed”. My ex boyfriend had taken the day off school with one of his friends and robbed my house. Unfortunately there was never enough evidence. Besides word of mouth from a friend.
The police questioned the boys, who had claimed they weren’t at school because their grandmother had died, but when their parents were questioned, their grandmother hadn’t. I never really let it faze me for so long. But I have trouble sympathizing for other people now because I felt like no one was ever there for me when all of this happened, I was just bullied by most the people I thought were my friends.
I wish I had spoke up earlier and took a stand.