25 years of fear

For over 35 years I have been an electrical engineer. I became engineer when it was not easy for a female to get a job. The only jobs I could get to support my family required I travel to jobs at plants across the US for few months at each place. Feb 14 1993 while at a job I return to hotel after work. Later that night I was awoke by banging on door. Two men identified themselves as law enforcement officer so I open the door. They beat and raped me repeatedly for hours. I was so scared when I had to go to the hospital for stitchs it would be discovered I was raped. Of course the kind nurse and doctor suspected and talked me into a exam but when I heard the officer was coming to take a statement I slipped out in fear. I quit my job and left took another job states away. I could not go home for weeks until my outside healed. It was a different time I couldn’t let my parents or family find out what happen. I was divorced with two daughters I never got any child support. If my family found out they would have objected to me working the way I did. Back then it was always the women must have done something to cause them to rape you. So I buried in mind in box and the fear of discovery keep the lid tightly closed. That works for awhile but always comes back. I finally had enough of living in fear and came clean to my husband of 20 years and family. Now I am not hiding I am survivor I know I did not do anything wrong I am letting this crazy feelings of guilt go.