I was 17 at the time and my attacker was 16. We started dating in October. We were dating and everything was going great through our relationship. 2 months into our relationship his friends made fun of him by saying how I wasn’t a virgin and he was and that he should have already had sex with me. I did not want to have sex yet. I was not ready even though I wasn’t a virgin I only had sex one time. He told me that he wanted to have sex and I kept saying I wasn’t ready and from then on I froze up and tried blanking out, but I remember the details. On top of me smiling, saying that I wanted it when I had tears rolling down my cheeks. I didn’t say anything because I was afraid.
I was 4’11 weighing 107 pounds and he was at least 5’10 weight 200 and something. He was a football player how would anyone believe me that it happened. He raped me 4 different times. I finally broke it off in early December. I was too afraid to tell anyone what had happened. I was scared that no one would believe me since I already had sex before. Then exactly on March 3rd, he messaged me on Facebook harassing me telling me that I wanted it and that I liked it. 3 months after it happened and he still was haunting me. My mom had found the messages and that was the day that my world came crashing down. I was so embarrassed that I didn’t tell my mom. I didn’t report the rape then or now. My father accused me of lying and blaming me saying that it was my fault and that it happened multiple times so I wanted it.
Still, until this day 2 years later, my dad still blames me and doesn’t believe and never once said sorry for the incident. I now know that sexual assault is more common than I thought it was. So now I want to share my story to let others know that they aren’t the only one. Yes it is difficult to deal with of course. I now suffer from depression, anxiety, and PTSD because of this incident, but it made me who I am today. A stronger person. don’t be afraid to say no, don’t be afraid to tell someone if this has happened to you. don’t be afraid to get help either. It will all be worth it in the end. I promise.
You are so incredibly brave for sharing your story. The fact that you are speaking out proudly and loudly despite the victim blaming and harassment you’ve endured, speaks volumes about your character and resilience. Keep being brave! You will inspire so many people. You are right. Sexual assault and rape are much more widespread than anyone wants to believe, but it never has to define us.
Your story is so important to share. We are going to find rape and sexual assault is far more of a problem than we now know. Like the episode of HTGAWM where abuse is multi-generational, we come from a line of women who have been assaulted REPEATEDLY and men who stand by while that happens. Your father has a lot of waking up to do.
The part of your experience that breaks my heart is how you still suffer. I went through a similar experience and I decided not to second guess myself about not telling or saying NO because I had suffered enough. We had what seemed like good reasons at the time and NO ONE can know but us what choice was best at that moment. We are not to blame. That pig is to blame for hurting you. The solution isn’t that women need to learn how to fight off rapists or learn to say no. It is that men need to stop taking advantage and preying on those who are physically weaker than they are.