I was sexually abused when I was 8 years old by a teenager who lived in my neighbourhood, the abuse occurred for a couple of months, I had no idea what was going on but knew that something wasn’t right, so I started to avoid going out to play, my mum was still grieving the loss of my dad and I don’t think she noticed my odd behaviour, I was terrified inside, I was warned not to tell anybody, that this is what I wanted, at 8 years old i didn’t know what shame was but looking back, that’s what I felt, no child should ever ever have to experience the feeling of humiliation!
Being abused has destroyed my life, mixed with other contributors in my life such as my dad being murdered when I was 3, and years of emotional and verbal abuse from close family members, so totally defeated in life Ive tried to commit suicide 3 times just to end all my pain, shame, lack of esteem and love for myself, however thankfully I’m still here. I’ve sought soo much help over the years, only to be put back ten steps every time, a counselor I seen told me outright she didn’t believe that I had been abused because I didn’t show the emotional traits of someone who’s suffered abuse! What she didn’t take into account was that I had totally shut of my emotional receptors because life was easier to live without feeling anything!
But this year 2018, I decided that I’m not going to be defeated any longer.
I recently started seeing a counselor, but I still felt like I was getting no where, so I cried out to God for what was probably the millionth time and said please help me, the next evening, I watched Brave Miss World, oh my goodness, wow… I cried for the first time in years, I mean my sobbed my heart out all night, it was such a release of 20 years of pain!
Watching Brave Miss World has given me hope, confidence, worth and a goal to become one of those women who can stand tall and say IAMBRAVE, it’s gonna be a long road but I’m willing to set my life straight, I will no longer be defeated, I will be the defeator!
— Jo, age 32
Dear Jo, thank you so much for your post. You’re a courageous survivor, and we appreciate that you trust that our website is a healing place to share. Nothing that happened to you at 8 years old was your fault or had anything to do with you. That’s not your story, that’s the story of the abusive teenager who hurt you. It takes a long time to put something like that in context, but you did nothing wrong, and it doesn’t define you. What defines you is that you’re seeking help now and on the path to healing. You are here, and you are brave. We are so glad that Brave Miss World helped you see the light. You stand tall and we stand with you. Love from Cecilia and the Brave Miss World team.
Thanks cecilia, I’m seeing a counsellor at the moment but not discussing my past as it’s too painful but I am discussing how I feel and how to manage my life now, I’ve only had four sessions but I’ve already learnt things about myself and how to manage my life and also both positive and negative critique. Thanks for the contact with Debra, I look forward to chatting with her! Xx