Aftermath

I feel that I should be over the trauma, or the distress of being raped so many years ago. However, at times, 1987 seems like yesterday to me and reliving that day happens more often than I care to share.
I lived in a very friendly, unpopulated and isolated part of the world. I owned a business and was returning from a day of purchasing for the store. There was a young man parked on the side of the highway with the hood of the truck open as though he was having vehicle trouble. I stopped to help and offered him a ride to the next telephone down the road. He got in my van and we drove down the road. At one point I noticed that he was moving strangely in his seat and the next thing I felt was a stab to my hand on the steering wheel. He had a small knife but I knew I was in trouble by his behavior and his eyes. He made me pull into a secluded place and held me there for hours. I talked to him about why he would feel the need to do this. I kept him calm. I kept thinking that he was going to kill me because there was no hope for him. I thought of running but there was snow and I had town shoes on. I was sure that if I did anything arousing that he may catch me and hurt me. He threatened me with his knife and forced me to have sex at knifepoint. It was not the sex that was so traumatizing but the fear that when I finally talked him into letting me go, that I would not tell anyone, I drove him back to the road where I thought he was going to cut my throat and leave me in the ditch and take my vehicle ….it was dark out by then. Surprisingly he got out and I drove away. My nightmares to this day are of me, laying in the ditch, unable to speak because I know my throat is slit. I am laying in my blood, wet, sticky and cold and I know I am dying and no one knows I am here. He was caught the next day because I told my family when I got home and the police. I was so calm. So calm that the police thought that my friend was the victim. I am still calm on the outside. No one talks about this day in my life. I have some very troublesome days that I know have everything to do with this very bad day in my life. Life was never the same from that day forward.