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March 17th, 2023

Indigo

I returned to fine art in 1990 when I took at class in indigo dyeing at San Francisco State University. I was lucky that the instructor, Yoshiko Wada, and another student from her class, were in the East Bay so that we could carpool together. We would talk textiles on our weekly journey across the Bay Bridge to the Campus. The other student was an accomplished Quilter named Linda MacDonald. Linda lived in Willits near the famous Mendocino Art Center, but traveled to Berkeley to attend this class once a week. The Indigo vat was made in a 32-gallon garbage can and had to be kept covered between dyeing sessions. Indigo is a unique rich blue dye that develops with an oxidization process when exposed to air. Dipping the fabric several times, and allowing the natural fiber to oxidize before dipping it again, creates darker shades of blue. The dye in the vat is created from a mixture of indigo pigment, various chemicals and a reducing agent to remove oxygen from the dye. It is a rich green color while in the vat, which shows up on the fabric before it is fully exposed to the air. The smell emitted from the dye is unusual, a musky odor in my mind. I like to think that it smells like the color blue. The vat needs to be carefully stirred and maintained between dyeing sessions. There is a “bloom” on the top of the vat created by oxidized indigo, making a bubbly and shiny ball of material reminiscent of a flower. The “bloom” gets moved to the side before entry of the pre-wetted fabric. The process reminds me of baking bread or making yogurt where the steps need to be carefully followed to achieve the desired results. In the process of bread and yogurt making, there are living cultures involved in order to create the product, and with the creation and dyeing process of indigo, it has that same feeling of being alive. In order to create interesting patterns, my classmates and I would use resist techniques on the fabric like pastes, stitching and clamping. Simple household items like clothespins could be used to create patterns by folding and then placing the pins at intervals along the fold lines. Beautiful and surprising results were achieved using these methods. Image of Indigo dye on fabric during the oxidization process. My dream of being a professional artist, all started in early childhood, and the first memories of my creations go back to Nursery School. I loved playing with all kinds of materials, like paint, clay, and crayons, just to name a few examples. Mel (Melanie), painting at Jack and Jill Nursery School, Walnut Creek, California, 1960. In 1974, a neighbor in Marin where I was living at the time and studying art at College of Marin told me about an Art School in Mexico. I ended up sending off slides of my work with an application to the Instituto Allende, and was delighted to hear that I was accepted. I began my journey to study there in San Miguel de Allende by flying to Mexico City in January of 1975. A bus ride completed that journey. When I first arrived, I moved in with a family who had two small children, including a newborn. It seemed like a safe living situation for a 19-year-old woman, but that shortly proved to not be true when the husband started coming on to me. I ended up finding my own place on the other side of town. It was a spacious abode with a wall that was shared with a weaving factory next door. There were 2 adjoined bedrooms, a bathroom, a large living/kitchen area and a small concrete patio out the back door. There was no hot water, refrigerator or a telephone. When I needed hot water for dishes, I would boil some on the stove. For showers, I had to build a fire in a box below a water tank outside to get hot water. I felt much more secure living there and walking a further distance to the Instituto on the other side of town than living with the husband who had made me feel so unsafe. There was the Central Plaza, which was called the “Jardin” that was in the middle of town, and I would pass through it on my walk quite frequently. This was the site of fireworks and festivals, like the celebration of Cinco de Mayo. The streets were cobblestone and many charming shops and galleries were located downtown. The School itself was on a beautiful campus with large ornate doors in front that were closed when school was not in session. Photo of the closed front doors of the Instituto Allende I had heard about you and what you had done to other women before you appeared in my main living space one sunny spring afternoon pointing a gun at me. You had a bandana wrapped around your face and tied behind your head. I had heard you first, in the bathroom. Dressed in a long polyester dress with colorful psychedelic patterns. I wasn’t wearing any underwear or shoes. I walked through the 2 bedrooms and turned left when I saw you standing there. I screamed and shouted, “help me,” thinking that workers at the Weaving Factory would hear me and come rescue me. Nobody came. You said to me “Coyote” which I later learned meant to be quiet or to shut up. You grabbed my shoulders and dragged me out the unlocked back door onto the concrete patio. The tops of my feet got scraped. I gave up. I knew you were going to rape me. I just wanted you to finish as quickly as possible. You took off your belt and put down your gun. Somehow I managed to pick up your gun and threw it over the wall embedded with glass on the top, into the alleyway. The same wall you had climbed over to get into my place through the unlocked back door. Towards the end of this ordeal, I heard a knock on my door. You left, climbing back over the wall. I answered the door. My friend Rhonda had come by to visit me. I told her what had happened and we walked to the Police Station nearby. I had your belt with me. The one you left behind. I went to the front counter, telling the officers behind the counter what had happened to me. They were laughing and playing cards at the time. I showed them your belt. They told me to bring you in if I saw you again. I left with Rhonda and took a bath at the where place she lived. We didn’t talk about what happened. We moved in together shortly after that. I sent a telegram to my father and stepmother about what had happened to me. Nobody came to help me. Rhonda helped me when I got hepatitis A and could no longer go to school. I was on my own when it came to figuring out how to return to the Bay Area. I moved in with my father and stepmother. They didn’t talk to me about what happened to me. They sent me to a doctor who diagnosed me with type 1 diabetes. He showed me how to give myself insulin injections. He told me to practice by injecting oranges with empty syringes. My mother told me years later that “You were never the same again” after what you did to me. I survived. I gave up art for 15 years before realizing that I wanted to go back to art school. In those years, I became so disturbed that I had panic attacks, deep depression and needed to move in with my mother at age 30. I started therapy after becoming self destructive in my 20’s. Depression also called “the blues” has been my long time companion. It has taken me a lifetime to heal. My iPhone predicts the words, depression, PTSD and C-PTSD for my text messages. After my Indigo dyeing class at San Francisco State, I enrolled in the Textiles Fine Art program at California College of Arts and Crafts (now known as California College of the Arts) in Oakland. I was married at the time and had become pregnant with our daughter Emily right before classes started in September. Emily was born on May 13, 1991. By the Fall of 1992, I was a single mom and an art student. An inheritance from my mother who died in 1995, allowed me to graduate and to buy my first home. I continued to work with indigo dyeing and created a large textile piece about my experience in Mexico. After many years of therapy and other healing modalities, I recently started painting on canvas. Part of that process has been a Soul Retrieval session to bring back my 4 year old self who loved to paint. I am feeling uplifted and encouraged after many years of recurring periods of severe emotional pain. Stay tuned for more details about my new work. One of my final pieces was a textile called “Out of the Blues.”
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I returned to fine art in 1990 when I took at class in indigo dyeing at San Francisco State University. I was lucky that the instructor, Yoshiko Wada, and another student from her class, were in the East Bay so that we could carpool together. We would talk textiles on...
June 26th, 2022

My survival story

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When I was 15 I knew I had to get out of home. My father had been abusing my mum and siblings for as long as I could remember, both physically and verbally, and it was getting worse by the day. So at 15 I decided to break up with...
June 8th, 2023

Unethical or illegal?

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Last year my partner and I worked for the same business. It was a small business near a small town and it had no management or HR of any sort – only one man owned and ran it, even though it served thousands of people each year. I hit it...
March 29th, 2015

Rape

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When I was 14 (1 year ago) me and my friends had agreed to go to a party on a Friday night. About a week before the party someone mad an Instagram account and started saying mean things to us like “I’m gonna rape you” and “go die” then the...
September 18th, 2019

Raped in the Air Force

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My first duty stationed 28 years ago, i was sexually assaulted by my first supervisor and violently raped by an officer in my unit. The violence of that raped, ruined me for a long time. Suffer from severe PTSD and after 31 years i am being forced out of the...
April 7th, 2023

Child Molester

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I was nine when it first happened, my cousin would try to touch me. I would push and kick but he was 16 at the time which meant he was stronger than I was. This would continue for a few months, I didn’t feel safe around anyone so I shut...
December 9th, 2023

i was a child.

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i was 6, i lived with my dad. I remember when he would get mad he would punch me, kick me, hit me over the head with any chance he got. When i was 6 he sexually assaulted me. I was sitting on the lounge and he started touching me....
December 19th, 2017

When no means nothing

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My boyfriend suggested I have sex with someone that wasn’t him because he was my first. He fought with me for months about it; I finally gave in. It was planned I walked to his friends house shaking from terror, what the hell was I going to do to get...
November 3rd, 2019

No

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I was sexually assaulted at 10 years old. I need help.
June 11th, 2025

Just Words

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Just words. You have trouble talking about these things. You realize you have trouble talking about a lot of things. You remember being excited about your first job at Dairy Queen. One of your friends works there and you know a lot of people work there as a summer job....
December 9th, 2015

They asked if I was lying

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In August 2005, I was raped by someone known to my family. I was drunk and passed out when it happened. For a long time, I felt like it was my mistake. Like it was my fault that someone had done this to me. I remember people asking me if...
April 3rd, 2015

5th Grade

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I was in 5th grade the first time I was raped. I know the name of this man, but I prefer to not say. Let’s call him Number6 and his friend Number5. After school, one day we got on the bus because I had to go to the Middle School...
May 24th, 2019

The Statistics that Changed Me

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2 sexual assaults and 1 rape… the statistics of my story. I can’t promise that this story is pleasant, but I can tell you that power and growth comes with telling it. So sincerely, thank you for hearing me out. October 2017 I was in Chebut, Argentina(a part of the...
August 17th, 2019

My/our German “Weinstein” Case

6
My name is Jany Tempel. I live both in Germany and Thailand. I turned public now, to end the big silence of our country. Almost twenty years ago I had already written a novel about my arduous life. The book wasn’t published back then, mainly because I reported on crimes...
April 15th, 2019

raped as a lone solidier in israeli...

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Hi Linor I was raped by the חובש on my base in the army. Unitl today – almost daily I think about it. At the age of 18 I was a young naive virgin from Australia. I moved to Israel by myself. The guy that raped me, ALL the girls...
August 18th, 2019

Abusée par un voisin de mes grands...

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Bonjour chère Linor, Je suis en train de regarder Brave Miss World. Merci! Je témoigne car j’en ai peu parlé dans ma vie. J’avais 4 ou 5 ans. Je vivais avec mes grands-parents et ils me posaient parfois le samedi chez la voisine qui me gardait pour aller à un...
February 2nd, 2023

He was family

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I was so young can’t even properly remember his face well at least how it looks now since he’s grown up he was 6years older I was 7-9. He used to come to our house to stay my cousin. I don’t think he was actually my cousin just called that...
November 15th, 2020

J’avais 13 ans

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J’avais 13 ans j’étais allé avec mon amie chez un gars pour la soirée ils étaient trois gars et c’etait la première fois que je buvais de l’alcool et ce gars qui s’appelle pascal m’a agressé. Je ne l’ai dis a personne et j’ai fait comme si rien ne s’était...
May 8th, 2019

UNEXPOSED – AFTER 30 YEARS OF EXTREME...

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Molestation 4-13, dissociation syndrome started, afraid 24/7, PTSD 10, black outs began & were triggered by the smell of certain foods or a male authorities voice. Attempted Rape 15, Physical Abuse 16-31, all my ex-boyfriends. Rape 18, also attempted suicide & started dancing because I needed extra money & no...
May 18th, 2021

I Don’t Know My Story

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I don’t know my story.. of all of the pain that I’ve been through.. I couldn’t feel my pain at times.. but what I had to go through to get here.. I’ll never understand my praise.. I don’t try to figure it out.. because my worship my worship is for...
October 30th, 2020

Raped

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I met this man online and after we went out to eat he took me back to his place and after me telling him no I didn’t want to perform any type of sex he proceeded to penetrate me until I started to bleed and he didn’t stop until I...
June 16th, 2019

Survivor #metoo

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I’m a mere eighteen years old, and I have been sexually assaulted. Twice. It’s not something I ever expected to have to go through myself. I remember when I first learned what sexual assault was in fifth grade; I was ten years old. How was I supposed to know to...
May 16th, 2021

My babysitter

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My mom and dad used to work nights and would have my sisters friend’s parents watch us. They had three children…two sons and a daughter. My mom was always the one that would take us over there. The oldest son would put on horror movies and pin me down and...
December 10th, 2019

Raped by stranger x2

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In my 2nd rape when I was 20 yrs old, I went into shock during and after the assault. Afterwards, my body shook for hours, but I tried to act normal in front of people. I felt like I was dreaming – everything and everyone seemed unreal. But, I also...
August 17th, 2019

My/our German “Weinstein” Case

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My name is Jany Tempel. I live both in Germany and Thailand. I turned public now, to end the big silence of our country. Almost twenty years ago I had already written a novel about my arduous life. The book wasn’t published back then, mainly because I reported on crimes...
May 8th, 2019

Spoke out and was blamed

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I am the only girl at a job of 4 men. I am also 20 while these men are 40+. One worker would grab me from behind when I would walk in the back to the bathroom. This would happen often. One day all my coworkers had to go outside...
April 10th, 2023

My principal mom raped me

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When I was just ten years old my mom would remove my clothes then sexually assault me. it didn’t matter how much I cried as she did it. She only cared about what turned her on. :’( I’ve been quiet about it because she’s a principal at a school, but...
September 13th, 2019

He was right

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I was dating this older man for about over 3 months and I was very happy with this person and we made so much happy memories in such a short time but long story short it just did not work out. He did not want to break up but I...
November 18th, 2020

Divided into two

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I am turning 60 next week. When I was officially repeatedly raped in an hotel room by a stranger at the age of 18 it was just another event to prove how worthless and dirty I already felt. Of course I felt it was my fault, because why wouldn’t it...
June 23rd, 2021

Obsessed Abusive Ex

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I gave an friend a place to stay out of the kindness of my heart after their life went to shambles. My family helped them and gave them support. I became pregnant and their family became close again bc that reason then they flipped the script over time and made...
March 11th, 2021

was i raped?

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When I was about 4 years old my brother (8yo at the time) got in the tub with me and started asking me if I knew what sex was, I said no as a lot of 4 year olds would say, he asked me if i wanted to know what...
December 11th, 2020

Letter to…

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To all the boys who watched porn and grew up thinking that’s how women deserve to be treated To the parents, teachers, adults who should know better, who never taught us about consent or that women are equal partners in sex To the society that made me feel like sex...
October 9th, 2022

When My Body Wasn’t Mine.

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I remember the times where my body wasn’t mine. When you grabbed my barely developing body forcefully. And my small body with little to no strength could not fight back. Could not take away your hands from places that were supposed to be private. Places that were supposed to be...
April 21st, 2021

A respectable collegue

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The next day I walked down the stairs to the hotel, aware that he was sitting at the table having breakfast. Some things you think would never happen to you, you think that working externally with a colleague (married and with children) is not dangerous. But then in a moment...
June 14th, 2014

Confused

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When I was 15 years old I had gotten a Facebook message from a guy telling me I was beautiful and that he wanted to take me out for coffee. After he asked me if I wanted to hang out at his place and I went. I had fount out...
March 5th, 2021

7 years and it still controls me

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I seen him today. The exe who thought he had the right to just take what he wanted. It’s like you need you moved on. That your okay. Then ask if takes is to see him and can’t breathe. I froze. I just turned around and wanted to run. I...
June 24th, 2020

Too naïve

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I was 16. I had my first job, a lifeguard. I was so excited. I have been a swimmer since I was 5 so this was a very fitting job for me. I was the youngest person working there by far. Most of the kids were in college and one...
June 13th, 2019

Males are Victims Too

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Iam a male and I am victim of abuse too, so I thought to share my story here too. I was probably around 5 years of age, happy kid as one should be. One day while I came out of the house to play, my neighbor’s son who was around...
August 30th, 2019

My story growing up with a secret

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I’m a black South African, I’m 40 years old now, and my son it 20 years old… loved, taught but I still can never live him alone with my nieces as I was left alone and violeted💔💔😭😭 I have spoken about this, but I hate putting this down in writting😭😭...
April 1st, 2021

Sex doll

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After work one night I was drugged by a co-worker. I woke up in his bed naked. He was not in the room. I felt 2 emotions very heavily and immediately. Shame and wrong. I remember looking around for my clothes in a panic. I don’t remember how I got...
April 20th, 2019

“raped” by my long time bf

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One night we were out to bars with friends to get drinks, including my bf of 7 years. After drinking we went to a hostel room. Everything started as usual, then he wanted to have anal sex, which I refused cause it hurts, he answered with “I don’t care” and...
December 5th, 2020

Summer 2019

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I got my first job working at a lovely Mediterranean restaurant/cafe one summer because my teacher said she knew the man who ran the place and put in a reference for me. I was 15. He was in his 60s. Two days after I started, the groping began. Only he...
November 23rd, 2014

Still Unable to Tell People

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What I remember from that night is feeling flattered that someone older was paying attention. I was underage in a bar. I don’t remember much after that except three men carrying me into a motel room, all at least ten years older. One was the owner of the bar, who...
January 1st, 2021

Incest abuse

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I was neglected and used as a servant growing up. Toddler to teenager, I maintained a position of peace for my caretakers/parents. Even though it was consensual, at two years old what reasoning did I have? Only the instinct of appeasement for safety. The archetype was obedient servant, maid, wound-licker,...
October 27th, 2020

Agressée deux fois, mais toujours debout.

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J ai subi deux agressions. La première, j avais environ 7 ans, un jeune homme m a entraînée dans une forêt près de chez ma grand-mère, qui me gardait. Il m a menacé, a baissé ma culotté et s est masturbé sur mes fesses. Quand il a eu terminé, il...
April 27th, 2019

Everyone Else Likes You, Too

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I had never been to a bar before. Sure, I’d gone out to Applebees with other coworkers where they’d serve me drinks. But I was 19, and had to drive home. I had never been drunk before, and didn’t push my limits. I went to the bar to see him...
November 27th, 2024

I know when I see a rapist...

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The stalking, gaslighting, victimizing, and of course sexual abuse, were never okay with me. But you just don’t get that because you’re a predator.
November 2nd, 2020

When does it get easier?

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I was already a troubled kid. My mother was an alcoholic and we moved at least once a year. New schools, new friends, new environment… it’s hard to get to know yourself let alone anyone else, with no stability. My mother fell for any and everyone. Typical chain of events…...
June 8th, 2023

Unethical or illegal?

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Last year my partner and I worked for the same business. It was a small business near a small town and it had no management or HR of any sort – only one man owned and ran it, even though it served thousands of people each year. I hit it...
October 15th, 2022

Male dancer

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Hello my Name is Tj. This happen about 4 years ago I was 19 years old at very young age I always tried to see the good in people. I was always happy and felt nothing could break me down went threw cancer as a baby lost my brother and...
November 25th, 2014

Life Purpose

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I’m an Italian girl and I’m 21. I’m studying marketing at university but, besides my studies, I have a different purpose in my life. Linor’s story and movie were very eye and heart opening for me. I realized that what I wanna do in my life is not marketing, but...
June 1st, 2019

The Life I Live

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When I was 7 my cousin started touch me. He was older and he said it was okay we were practicing. I wasn’t sure what he meant. This went on for 3 years. He would touch my body and claimed it was his. He said it was a way to...
January 29th, 2021

Raped by my Step Brother

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I have never told anyone about this & now it is coming back to haunt me. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t focus. So that is why I am sharing my story on here, maybe to give myself some closure. I was 17 at the time (18 now)...
July 10th, 2019

So drunk I can’t remember

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I was turning 18. I was partying like any teen would. I drank a lot. I threw up, sat down. They picked me up and put me in their car. They said “don’t worry we’ll take care of you. You won’t miss the bus”. I remember lying on the bed...
May 25th, 2019

I need some advice

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My name is Aleksandra and I am from Macedonia, Europe. I am almost 20 years old. On February 12, 2018 I was raped by 3 men. It was terrible, rape taking place in the woods, being virgin and taking several hours. I managed hardly to get home, being physically and...
October 12th, 2023

Workplace Sexual Harassment

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As I write this story to you, please note that this sexual harassment case is still in progress. It began in December of 2022 when I worked as a contractor for a company named TEKsystems. I do IT work for Nutrien Ag Solutions. The first week I was there, I...
December 26th, 2019

Ms.

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I was raped by a co-worker when I was in my mid-20’s. We were at a work function, we were all drinking, then about 10 of us went to his place to continue the party. He grabbed me on my way out of the washroom and dragged me into his...
March 18th, 2015

The Stepmonster

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I was only eight when it originally started. My stepdad would touch me in my crotch and chest area. He would only do it with my mom at work. He would even do it in front of my little sister, but he never did it in front of his son....