Camilla’s Story

My story begins with me very young living with my Aunt and Uncle and their two sons. I had been removed from my mother’s custody at the age of 18 months old because of her drug use. Around the time I was 5 or 6 was the first time I remember the oldest son touching me. He said he would tell on me for various reasons in order to keep me quiet and to not tell anyone. It wasn’t long before the other son also began touching me using the same methods to keep me from telling anyone. As the years went by the behavior continued. The younger son had gotten interested in video cameras and decided to tape him abusing me. He forced me to act and make everything seem as realistic as possible even the body fluids he tried to recreate as there were not any naturally produced. Sometime after that was filmed my uncle found the tape. He took a hammer to it and grilled each of us kids individually. He wanted to know exactly what was going on. I don’t know how the conversations with the boys went but when he was with me all I could see was anger, frustration and most likely some guilt. He asked me if I could even imagine what it would be like to get pregnant at 10 years old. But his questions meant nothing as I denied over and over that anything happened. I kept insisting there was no tape, there was no sexual behavior and that I had no clue what he was speaking about. I was ashamed and afraid of what would happen if the truth came out. I don’t remember anything happening after that. The sexual behavior did stop eventually and it was never spoken about again. My Aunt never learned of the behavior either. My feelings about that still haven’t changed and since my Aunt and Uncle adopted me at 5 years old those boys became my brothers and my Aunt and Uncle became Mom and Dad. I have always done my best to act like a normal family. I do not hold it against them for whatever reason. Maybe because I feel like it stopped being so invasive, like maybe I was starting to like it or the attention. I never told anyone friends or family until I became much older. When I was 18 I went to a club with my best friend. We were approached by two guys a little older than us. The one was in the military reserves and the other in college. They invited us back to their place for some beers and to get out of the club environment. She and I both felt comfortable especially since we were sober we didn’t feel concerned about being rufied and I would be driving my own car there. When we got there I was talking to college guy who had apparently been going through a breakup. He was kinda nerdy and easy to talk to. My friend had been hitting it off it seemed with the military guy. Shortly into the evening things switched and my friend was having a deep conversation in the kitchen with college guy about his breakup and his future. So military guy and I start talking and flirting really. He makes a move t o start kissing and I let him but told him right away that I am not comfortable moving past kissing. That started in the living room. After a bit he invited me to check out his baseball collection as we had been talking about the game on the TV. We went to his computer room in the back of the house where he had his collectible baseballs. He wrapped his arms around me after shutting the door and started kissing me. I was pretty stiff because I felt uncomfortable being in that room with him. I hardly knew him and he was so handsy. As soon as he felt resistance from me kissing him he took me down to the ground in one swift move. He pinned me down and worked on getting my pants down with one arm as he held me with the other. I felt paralyzed and I couldn’t scream. My voice couldn’t go above a whisper and I don’t know why. My voice was just as paralyzed as my body. I was so frightened he would hurt me. Frightened he would hit me and leave marks on my body for anyone to see. I begged him to stop as his ear was next to my head. I told him I was on my period and had a tampon in. He didn’t care and just kept working towards his goal. As soon as he got my pants down enough he unzipped his pants and forced himself in me not even bothering to remove the tampon. The pain was one thing but it was the humiliation that was getting me. As soon as he was finished and he let me up I pulled on my pants, walked out of the room and down the hallway. My friend could tell immediately something was wrong and asked me what it was. All I said was we have to leave now. We got in my car and left right away. On the way back to her house I told her what happened. She couldn’t believe that she was right there in the kitchen the whole time. When she asked me why I didn’t scream I explained how I physically couldn’t. Turns out military guy was working as a security guard at the mall because about a month later that same friend and I were walking through the mall until I stopped in my tracks as we were walking towards the information desk. There he was in a security uniform leaned on the desk talking to the clerk with his back turned to us. I froze instantly and my friend quickly picked up on why. I asked what do I do multiple times before she answered to turn around slowly and walk away. We did. I have never seen him again and could never pick him out of a lineup if I tried. Even though it has only been 7 years since he raped me my brain has blocked out his image.