Getting Better

Hi, my name is Ashley and 5 years ago I was raped. It wasn’t brutal or horrific and I actually knew the guy but I am still having trouble getting over it and I have only told a few people.

My mom met a new guy right at the end of my senior year in high school so my sisters and I would throw parties on the weekends she would go away (which was every weekend) and of course for a couple of teenagers things got out of hand quite a few times. But this happened on a quieter night. Typically we would have over 40 people at these parties but this night it was about 20 maybe less. I was playing beer pong with my friend and we were against 2 guys from high school. We were losing pretty much all night so I was extremely drunk. My sister saw me start to get the spins so she took me upstairs where no one is allowed except people who live there (party rules). I remember I puked on myself so she made me take a shower even though I couldn’t stand up straight. When I was finished washing up she gave me a sheet and a pillow so I could sleep near the toilet so I laid down and fell asleep.

Later, after the party cleared out and everyone had found a spot to pass out I started to wake up. Normally I would sleep on my side but for some reason I was on my stomach and I could feel something kind of cold against my thigh… my inner thigh. I moved to see if it would go away, still feeling groggy from drinking so much, but then I realized IT was moving. Huh? Suddenly I realized ‘Thats a belt buckle!’ then another quick thought, ‘whats in my…. OH MY GOD’ I jumped up and looked behind me, it was too dark and the bathroom had no windows but I could hear someone moving away from me. I wanted to reach for the light to see who he was but a swarm of thoughts passed through my mind. ‘Do I want to know?’ ‘How big is this guy?’ ‘Would he hurt me if I knew it was him?’ ‘Too much, too much all at once… I want out!’ I ran out of the bathroom into my bedroom and cried on my bed until I could hear my sisters waking up. But I couldn’t tell them. I tried to as soon as I saw them but everyone started raving about how awesome the party was my throat closed up.

How did I remember who he was? The belt buckle. He was wearing it all night playing beer pong right in front of me.

And that was it….
Just like that, I am now a date rape victim.
The next 5 years have been okay, I quit drinking, got a great job, a car, a caring boyfriend, and told 2 people. Niether of them were my sisters and I never fully opened up (like this) I just told them it happened.