Grandpa

I cant say how old i was when it started for sure. Ive been having nightmares alot lately about it. I have spoken to anyone professionally about it but I am considering it more and more these days. I can remember being really young and him licking my privates. Or taking me in the back bedroom of the trailer when he babysat my older sister and I, he would take me in there and touch me or force me to touch him even tried to penetrate me. He never touched my sister just me. We could have family around and I could feel him staring and if we sat across from each other in the living room he had a way of pulling his privates out where i would see them even if other people were around. We were babysat by him for years and he would come at night too wearing his bikini underwear and rub me and I hated it. So many times I prayed someone would catch him or he would stop and he didnt. I was 12 or 13 when he finally quit babysitting us because we could stay alone. I told i did but the only one to believe me was my mom. They wouldnt do anything because My grandmother had, had a nervous breakdown once and they were worried this would kill her or send her into a mental breakdown. My mom and dad were/are cops which is what makes this worse in my eyes. So here I am 33 years old now and cant stand being around him dont want him to hug me much less be alone with him. I am married now and my husband knows. My husband has a daughter who anytime we have a family get together and he is there I watch like a hawk. The first time we went to a get together at their house he showed my husband porn. I dont know why my nightmares are getting bad usually im pretty good at blocking it out but i cant anymore. And i dont know what to do.

— Survivor, age 33