I was very drunk one night at a party and as I swiped through my tinder I matched with this boy. He messaged me really quickly and told me he was a senior and that he thought I was pretty and that we should hang out. I was really drunk but I was over the party and told him he could meet me at my dorm and we could watch a movie. I don’t know what I thought was going to happen but I was drunk and agreed to let a stranger into my home. My friend and her boyfriend walked me half way home and I remember her joking with me to be safe. I actually laughed and told her I would be fine. As I walked up to my dorm, I saw this really tall guy standing at the entrance. I was kinda nervous when I saw him because he was so tall but he gave me a hug and we started talking as I signed him in. When we got to my room the door was still shutting when I asked him what movie to watch. As soon as the door shut he was right next to me kissing me and grabbing me. I kept telling him to slow down but he just kept ignoring me. He wanted to have sex and when I said no he didn’t stop. I laid on my bed motionless as he did what he wanted. I told him it hurt a few times but he just kept going. He waved goodbye and promptly left after. I couldn’t stop crying and called my friend who helped me to shower and change my sheets. He texted me the next morning asking to “hang out again.” My rapist didn’t even know he raped me. I texted him back telling him that the bruises on my body were not okay and that I didn’t want to ever hear from him again. I see him on campus sometimes and he acts like he doesn’t know me. I feel like throwing up everytime I see him. My brother goes to my school too and when he found out he looked at me so sad. My brother still asks me to report it every few months, I never have.
— Survivor, age 19
He knows he raped you.
Dear survivor – thank you so much for posting your story here. I think you were so brave in your response to his text. You’re right – what he did to you IS NOT OK. I’m not sure if he knows it but the truth is that whether he knows or not doesn’t change that what he did was wrong, nor does it necessarily change the emotions you’re feeling. If he knew, that might not make it easier to see him on campus. You said no and that’s enough. And what happened was NOT your fault. It doesn’t matter if you were drinking or you invited him in. You said no.
As far as reporting it, that is a very personal decision. I’m sure your brother’s intentions are good but you have to decide what is right for you. I would encourage you to talk to a therapist to help you work through all of your emotions and who can help you think through that decision more objectively. The therapist can also help you heal, which you so deserve. Sending you love and support, Alexis
Please consider getting help. I recommend finding a mental health professional who is trained in something called Clinical Emotional Freedom Techniques or EFT.
Honestly it will help you release the effects from your nervous system, so you can heal. So the rapist does not hold you hostage any longer. So your ability to be intimate and trust again can be restored. You deserve that. I wish you the best.
thanks for sharing your story the good Lord will strengthen you
This is so similar to what happened to me. I’d matched with a guy on tinder, I’d been at a party and drunk way too much, he texted and asked me to go over and hang out with him, promising we’d just watch a movie and that he just really wanted to meet me. I can’t remeber much of what happened when I was there, I know we had sex but the whole experience feels like it happened to someone else not me. I never wanted to have sex with him but it happened anyway. I seriously struggle with self-guilt but I know deep down I’m not to blame and that what he did to me was wrong. I’m still working on coming to terms with what happened.
Report this immediately!!!
If you don’t stop this person it can happen to another girl. You can be the hero in this story.
You may not have made good decisions as far as being on tinder (a known hookup app) and inviting a guy to your room alone when you were intoxicated. But regardless, YOU WERE RAPED, REPORT THAT.
I’m sorry you were raped. I hope you can overcome it, teach others to be responsible, and most of all report rapists to help other women. Good luck, be strong.
He made the bad decision when he decided to rape her. She obviously wasn’t too intoxicated to tell him no, which leads me to believe that if she were sober the outcome could have been the same. No one should have to worry that if they use Tinder that they will be raped. As for reporting him, I think it would be good but it has to be her choice. To the victim, I am so sorry this happened to you. Just know that God sees all and it will not go unpunished. I love you and I believe in you.