He Laughed

Every year me and my friends have a pre-Christmas celebration together instead of buying each other presents. 2 years ago we decided to have Christmas dinner & drinks a few days before Christmas, I was 20. It was a really good night, we all brought different food, drink and games and I remember we spent the majority of the night laughing. Unfortunately I had a bit too much to drink and ended up being sick, everyone decided to call it a night and headed to bed and I was left to sleep downstairs with one of my male friends who I’d known for 7 years, we had a sofa each. Because of my state i completely passed out as soon as I lay down, when I came round again my male friend was on top of me, I knew what was happening but I was paralyzed and couldn’t even speak. I kept drifting in and out of consciousness, each time I awoke it was still happening. I’m not sure how much time passed but eventually I came round and he was sat on chair beside me and I began to piece together what happened . I didn’t speak, I just lay there silently crying. Eventually after some time passed I spoke up and said “what the f*** did you do”… he replied “What are you talking about” and he laughed. I lay there awake till it got light then i got up and went to sit in the kitchen. I told myself I would tell my girlfriends once the guys had left, I never did. It was Christmas eve and I was walking around like a compete zombie, I felt empty inside, completely numb to what had just happened. 2 year later I still haven’t told anyone that I actually know and I still see him from to time to time and he acts like nothing ever happened… and I do to. I feel like the time to speak up as passed and I’m too late, the way I feel like I will win is by putting it behind me and doing something amazing with my life, showing him that he did not break me, even if a part of me does feel like it will alway s be a little broken.