Hi, I am 15 years old from Netanya, Israel.
From age 5 to age 7 I sexual abuse by my neighbor ,who was 17.
I was a child, I did not understand, he was my hero …
He knew what he wanted and what he is doing ..
Every word written in huge weight,Each letter arched feels like a knife enters the stomach!
Where to start how to start just pour your heart..Put myself naked in front of a world I do not know,And maybe it is the best solution…
Tell my story to those who had no right to judge ..
My story really begins from the end ..
From that moment I tell my mom all the grief I went through..
It was a holiday week,
This year was loaded with anger, guilt, pain…
I was sure it was my fault that I could go …But go explain to a small child should not use it that way.
For years I was busy blaming myself,I used only ways to silence the anger and anguish..So I cut myself in places you can not see,I would starve myself.
I got myself into a whirlpool of emotions ..Little girl can not hold the weight on your shoulders.
Relative 15 year old girl ,
I always felt very mature for my age,
They told me that my future is with people ..
So I want it to be .. Help people!
The first task is to help myself!
I picked myself up, Christmas Eve burst into tears, I could not stand it any more, My mother sat with me and for several minutes there was silence…I tell her, I trembled, I cried, I stammered…I told her that
I decided not to be silent!
I went to confront him!
Tears attacked me and I turned for a split second..
I held myself, I continued conflict,
I asked him how he was not ashamed to smile? happy?
While he stole the innocence of a child who understood Forbidden!
Must not be touched like that!
How can he smile while girls complete a child robbed!
After things calmed down .. I felt relieved but also felt Hate .. To my mother.
How could she look at my smile And not see something there is not really happy?!
I was standing in front of the mirror, talking to myself ,Look myself in the eyes…And said softly, “You are my hero”!
I’m my own hero!
And the smile would come alone …
I earned mine, I do not need it he will jail.His punishment he received!
He lives with himself, he knows he is guilty..He knows he’s a monster,
He who lives in fear of his own shadow.And i’m? I am a strong woman!Life smile at me more than ever!This trauma just grew up!
I received a gift that not many have received,
And this is the wisdom of life, something beyond studies or numbers..Wisdom to show me the biggest little things in life gives us different ways…”God moves in mysterious ways” and apparently this was the way to bring To express the way that I got the good life.