Healing My Faded Scars

CH came into my life cleverly disguised as the man who would make my dreams come true two years later. He eventually sought out opportunities to deliberately inflict harm on me. His public plastic mask covered up his icily calculating eyes and a sickening smirk that said otherwise. He knew how to cut me down with his well-chosen malicious words in a matter of seconds. CH made me feel lonely in his arms and feel an ache for genuine affection instead. He denied me of my sincere feelings and numbed my heart by subtly belittling and disrespecting me. CH was only protective when it suits his needs and desires and nothing else by projecting his insecurities onto me. He had digital women I knew nothing about as he silently battled his pornography addiction alone but I had no chance of ever measuring up to them. I was automatically reduced to a victim of subtle abuse with the label of CH’s unofficial girlfriend. I was deliberately isolated from my friends and family without any logical reason and was given the cheap guilt trip anytime I would choose time with them over him. I was force-fed sugar-coated falsehoods and flattery but in reality, these empty promises kept me on my toes. I was even given cheap gifts to replace the sincere respect and love I should have been given in the first place. Forgiving this monster has been easier said than done and nobody knows this more acutely than I did 5 years ago. I would have rather crawled under a rock rather than to face him again with his icily calculating eyes and his equally malicious words to made me feel less than a zero. I now know that this man will never see the error of his small cruelties and aggressive touches that will leave invisible scars on my heart and mind. I am the one who knows the truth behind that plastic mask he wears with pride in the world, his blind audience, ready to lap up any attention he may give them. I was now faced with the difficult decision to forgive him for all the cruelties he had forced me to endure at his hands two years ago. I had to forgive myself for what had happened to me. All of those cruelties he deliberately inflicted upon me revealed more about his atrocious nature than it did about my beautiful heart. I eventually took the time to heal by blocking him on all forms of social media accounts, his phone number, email address, and everything else in between. I finally escaped him 5 years ago and never looked back. I blocked him on all social media accounts, deleted and blocked him on my phone and best of all, I personally burned and torn up all the letters he sent me. His blood-chilling voice no longer haunts me. He is no longer my monster.

— Anna