I have been raped, I don’t know anymore whether I admit, or declare it.
My first time, also my first time, was on a date with my boyfriend. We were making out, and he went up my shirt, and I stopped him with a no. He kept trying until he got to 2nd base, and then went under the shirt, and an emphatic no didn’t stop his hands. I included a no at each stage, through penetration, intercourse and orgasm. my opinion was clear, and unimportant.
On Monday, he had a date with a classmate, and we weren’t committed, in that order.
Less than a week later, we had the stereotypical rivals football game, which we lost in the fourth. Walking home, through a playground in the minor creek and woods, I ran into a guy. He was from the other school, from his jacket. He was cute, nicely built, hot butt. He was charming, friendly, and witty.
He was a rapist, and pulled me into the brush. He wasn’t real gentle with it either.
A couple of weeks later, I had just finished my period; a good upturn in my fortune dispelling my worries from the other 2. I was walking home from a friend’s, and a drunk man, stinking of cigar and alcohol, pulled me behind a dumpster. I guess I could have screamed, but it was easier to let it happen, so I let it happen, and I guess decided that was easier.
I even stopped thinking about it as rape, so through high school and college, I stopped objecting and allowed the sex. No, I can’t name them all past John Smith, or the John Doe that took seconds, or the Mike that was on top of me when I woke up.
I had birth control, but somehow didn’t have Aids when a girlfriend picked me up, and decided she could make me better. We had a usual night at a party, then she refused to go there again, until I cleaned up. She was an awful pain in the ass about it too!
She spent 2 years on me. Even got engaged, and asked me to be Maid of Honor. No one thought of me as a bridesmaid even.
She did good. She did well too! I found my self-esteem. I found a man, a man this time, who wasn’t aimed at my vagina. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t even our wedding night, it was about 3 days into the honeymoon.
He knows about my past, and it was past. We have 2 teenage daughters, who I have talked about my mistakes in detail.
I’m no longer embarrassed. Sharing breaks The Silence.
— Eva, age 41
I am so glad to hear a great story and a happy ending. As a mom, I will bet you tell your daughters to protect themselves even though predators and their behavior are not their fault or your fault. EVERYONE reading this deserves good self esteem. You are a great mom to be like your friend who took the time to help you! You are teaching everyone they have nothing to be embarrassed about or silent about. I would like to hear how you met your good guy, how you knew he was the one, how you knew he was good and a real man – but that is another story, which every reader here deserves and will have if they choose – thank you for the HOPE! And for being a great MOM!
Yeah sharon’s Right (I say that a lot, Sharon must be rolling her eyes rn) you are so strong, thank you for never giving up on yourself or your future. Thank you for never quitting, even in your darkest moments. Thank you for being an inspiration. Thank you for telling your story. Thank you, for being here, for moving forward, for building a new world for yourself.
Dear Eva – thank you so much for sharing your story here. You have nothing to be embarrassed about and I’m really grateful that you are open with your daughters about your experiences. Having said that, you didn’t make a mistake – what happened to you was on the men who hurt you. It was THEIR FAULT and not yours! I’m so grateful to read a story about someone who survived so much and still came out strong and as someone I admire. Thank you so much for sharing – with us and with others – and for helping to break the stigma. Love, Alexis