So, I had this strange memory, I thought it was of a dream, but in it my best friend’s older brother was doing strange things to me. My young brain couldn’t comprehend it at the time, so I just set it aside.
Many years later when I was having a sleepover with that best friend at my house she brought it up. I was shocked and the memory came rushing back. But I was not the only victim, he had done it to her as well.
I know I was only a child but it still bothers me how I don’t remember much. However I’m certain that my parents knew about it because they put me in therapy and wouldn’t let me go over to my friend’s house anymore.
Now after after over 10 years I am not sure how to deal with my emotions about my childhood. Sadly I’m not as good friends with that girl anymore so I’m not sure who to console with and I don’t know how to bring it up with my parents (they don’t know I remember).
One of my main worries was that I don’t know if I’m a virgin anymore. I don’t know everything that the guy did to me except I know I was naked at some point.
Now I’m just unloading my current worries and I know that I have many blessings. I still have friends, even if I’ve never told them about what happened to me I love them all and know they would understand.
I just want to discuss the issue with someone, I guess I’d like some reassurance that it won’t effect my future.
A really great place to start is RAINN.org or your local sexual assault center. They both have anonymous call lines where you can begin to process your feelings, emotions, and memories. I believe that one of the most important ways to make sense of what happened is to talk through it. Dr. Rebecca Campbell is a professor of psychology who studies the effects of sexual trauma. She has this great analogy about post-it notes. She says that remembering and fully processing these experiences is like writing your story on a pack of post it notes, throwing it up in the air, and then trying to put all the pieces back together in some semblance of order. It takes a long time and a lot of processing to put the pieces back in the right order. Wishing you strength as you navigate this journey!