Okay so I was at my best friends 16th birthday party (im 17). There were a couple of friends, one friend asked to bring another friend (which party we went to the week before) and he brought 3 of her friends (Lets call one of them Tim) with him. At this party I was pretty wasted, but not so wasted i didn’t remember anything. So i went outside to smoke with Tim, we went all the way to the back to smoke by the water. We kissed and he fingered me (i didnt really want it, but if i just went with it) later we went inside and he said i’ll bring you home. So I sat on the floor in the living room and ate an banana. After that i said goodbye to everyone and went outside with him (it and as like 3AM). He said i know some place (know i was really wasted and i could barely walk) and brought me to a playground. I was really wasted, i couldn’t walk straight, barely stand up. But i clearly remember everything, also that I said no. He pushed me to my knees and forced me to give him a blowjob, after that he took off my pants fingered me for like 2 seconds before he turned me around and fucked me. I said no and that i didn’t want it.
Since then my depression came back and tbh I feel worthless and just wanna die.
— Nellie, age 16
Dear Nellie – thank you so much for posting your story here. First of all – you didn’t let anything happen and what happened was NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!! No one has the right to touch you without your consent. You don’t have to fight back to make what happened not ok. Freezing is a very common response to sexual assault; it’s not one we hear about in the public discussion but if you read through the stories here, you’ll see it happen a lot. I would encourage you to find a counselor or a therapist to help you work through your depression. It’s perfectly normal to feel that way after what you’ve experienced but you can work through it and heal. It takes time and a lot of work but you can do it. Because you deserve it. I know that might be hard but there are some resources online that you can start with and posting here was an amazing step. Sending you love and support, Alexis