I was at my friends graduation party. I was drinking quite a bit and before I realized it was was way too drunk. Every one ended up getting kicked out. My best friend told me I could stay at her house which was just a walk away. Her older brother helped me walk there. When we got back her house I laid down on the couch and started going to sleep. Then her brother came out and woke me up and asked me if I wanted to go in her room just to talk. I was drunk and said okay. When we got there he started massaging me and I got really tired. I remember just feeling so heavy and like I couldn’t move. The guy then proceeded to take my pants off and started fingering me. I didn’t want it but I could find the energy to open my eyes let alone talk. He then said to me, “You’re being awfully quite”. He then came up and said, “Are you sleeping?” I was so scared at this point and still couldn’t move. He then kissed me and said, “I guess so.” Then he proceeded to rub himself against me until he got off. He then pulled my pants back up and carried me out to the couch. I have never told anyone this or spoken of it since. I still don’t know if it was rape or how to feel about it.
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I am not a lawyer but I know a little bit. It’s probably not rape because it sounds like he did not, forgive me, penetrate you down there, although he did with his fingers. BUT – and this is a big BUT – he DID sexually assault you!! Your account does not say how old both you and he are but he might be a candidate for jail, he is definitely a criminal and a predator. If you can find somewhere the courage, which will not be easy – you need to find a way to tell someone in authority about the crime this guy did to you. If you stay friends with his sister, he now sees you as a mark and will try this again. Also he will certainly try it again with other girls if he sees he can get away with it. Also you do not say if this happened recently, but there is something called “AN EXCITED UTTERANCE”, which is what you have written here – you show that “THE CRIMINAL KNEW EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING” He showed that he saw you were drunk,quiet,asleep, and not able to give consent, he saw that BEFORE HE WAS COMMITTING THE CRIME. You have been very brave to tell us, and you do need to tell someone else who loves you or you look up to, and yes it will be hard but we are here for you. Remember this site and where you wrote this because you can use this UTTERANCE as proof of the crime and that the criminal knew.
i forgot, here are 2 numbers which have counselors who can give you support and advice 1800 656 HOPE,, 1800 799 7233
Thank you so much for sharing your story here. I won’t define your experience for you because, well, it’s not my experience and it’s YOURS to define. But I will say a few things: no one has the right to touch you without your permission. It doesn’t matter if you were drunk or in a bedroom or weren’t physically able to say no or any of those things. NONE of that matters and it was not your fault. As far as knowing how to feel about it, there are a lot of emotions that can contradict each other that you can feel when something like this happens. There’s no right way to feel and you’re entitled to feel anything you want or need to. I would encourage you to talk to a therapist though. They can help you work through your emotions and figure out how to move forward and how to heal. And whether you define it as rape or sexual assault or something else – you STILL GET TO FEEL HOWEVER YOU WANT. I believe in you and you can do this. Love, Alexis
Rape is rape.
The rapist doesn’t have to penetrate you to prove that it’s rape.
That my sister is Rape.