Daniel and I were dating for a couple of months, and there was some good chemistry. On that night, I was interested, no basically decided, what I wanted for the end, or overnight.
We had a nice dinner, and a really adrenaline packed movie, and I was worked up. When we got back to my place, I was most afraid he would want to kiss me and call it a night. When he said he wanted to come in, my heart was going, and my palms sweaty, like it was my first.
I hung my jacket on the hooks, as he closed the door behind us. I turned smiling coyly.
He grabbed my legs around the knees and knocked me to the floor, landing on top on me, between my legs! I went to talk, and he wheeled a fist back to punch! He ripped my dress, my bra, and matching panties, enough for access. I am small and he is large, so it was no wrestling contest, as he lay on top of me, making it hard to breathe. He didn’t even hold my hands, needing one to kneed my bosom, and the other that I soon felt.
Unceremoniously, he took what I was more than willing to give!
He quickly finished without any talking, zipped himself, and declared that he knew I wanted that. Technically correct, but he didn’t ask me for it. He said he’d call about the next weekend.
I found my phone, and called the police. I went through the reports and tests, and it was almost dawn before I concluded my date to get some sleep. A very bad idea that was, as all I could dream about was what just happened, over and over as I awoke.
I found in the next weeks, that Daniel was the kind one. He didn’t call after the police interviewed him. The police went over my reports, and their conclusions were more depressing than the rape.
There was obviously sex, but I knew that, but they had no evidence to show there was force. I could have gotten mad at him, or that he ripped my good clothes, or I enjoyed it like that. I had less discomfort during it, than explaining it, over and over!
I found myself checking the calendar, as I think they worked from 40 or so years before. The support groups they arranged were supportive, but could not do anything to make the police follow a case they didn’t see the cause to. I had more supportive company raping me physically.
I am glad, that with the victimization of so many, the your Brave staff can support so many. SO Many!
Thank you so much for posting your story here. First… just based on what I’m reading here, you didn’t consent to what he did to you. Wanting to have sex with him – or even talking in advance about having sex – doesn’t give him the right to do ANYTHING without your consent.
As far as reporting it to the police… it is so crushing what happens when you report. I often see people wonder why rapes aren’t reported and your story is a heartbreakingly perfectly example. I’m sorry they failed you. BUT that doesn’t mean that what happened to you isn’t real and it doesn’t make it your fault. I’m glad you found some support groups and I would encourage you to talk to a therapist to deal with everything you’re feeling about the police, Daniel, and everything else. You deserve to heal and I’m sending you lots of light and love!! Alexis