And the rape affects me every day. Now I am 55 yrs old. My heart breaks for people who have lost their lives or their loved ones to violent or other types of crimes. I know their struggle is probably worse than mine. But I am in pain. I have always been ashamed, remorseful (though I think it was not my fault as I was a tiny child), and I am damaged. 51 years ago some boy or man decided he could use my body for his pleasure or obsession or whatever. And I will never get over it. My family doesn’t understand, my friends don’t understand and I probably won’t figure this out in my lifetime.
Talk to your kids. Keep them safe. If they are 4 years old don’t let them wander around the neighborhood. Even if it’s a “nice” neighborhood.
Thank you so much for sharing your story here. What happened to you is NOT your fault. Even if you had been an adult… no matter what, no one has the right to touch you without your consent. Violence or not, what you’re feeling is ABSOLUTELY VALID! There’s no “worse” kind of pain or shame to feel; it always feels the same. Or at least that’s what I think. I know it feels like you will never get over it – and it may always impact you and shape you – but I would encourage you to talk to a therapist about what you’re feeling. It is never too late to heal and work through what you’re dealing with. It might take some time to find the right therapist but it can help SO much! You deserve this and you are worth it. Sending you lots of love, Alexis