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Impacted Forever

I was a private duty nurse taking care of a very critical patient. I was very foolish and trusted the Son that lived in the home. He was very kind and caring. I had been working there for over 6.5 months. One day the Son and 2 friends came in and went into the Son’s room. They were in there for about 20-30 minutes. This was normal for him to have friends over for a while, so I didn’t think anything about it. After that one of the friends left, or so I thought. About 5 minutes later the phone rang. I answered it, which was normal. It was someone asking for the Son. I went to the bedroom door, knocked and told him the phone was for him. He asked me to hand it to him, which I had done many times before, but never had any problems. I took about 3-4 steps in the room and handed him the phone and he grabbed my arm and pulled me down onto the bed. We fought. All 3 of us. One held me down while one raped me and the other orally raped me. The n they switched places, over and over. It was so bad that the corners of my mouth were ripped, I have bruises and broken blood vessels on both ankles and wrists and a HUGE bruise on my thigh that you could see and count their finger prints in. All of this was from fighting and bring held down.

I later found out that the friend that I thought had left was the one on the phone. He was outside the whole time keeping watch. My patient heard everything and was very concerned about me. He wanted to help, but there was nothing he could do.

I had to stay for the rest of my shift (4.5 hours) because my company couldn’t get anyone else to come in. I would have been charged with abandoning my critical patient and would lose my license for it. I cried for hours and hours. I washed off in the bathroom over and over and still did not feel clean. I didn’t feel clean or safe for a very long time.

The Son called me for weeks begging me to come back and harassing me. He said since I had sex (forcefully) with him, he knew I wanted him and loved him, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Telling me that he loved me and if he couldn’t have me, no one else would. Threatened to come to my house and take me to a place no one would ever find me. I had to have his number blocked.

I blacked out for weeks after while doing normal things…cooking, cleaning, driving…etc. I ended up having a wreck 6 days later and totaled my car. I don’t remember the last 5+ miles that I drove before the wreck.

I went through all of the humiliating tests for STDs, HIV and pregnancy. Got tested and re-tested for every STD and HIV. Up to 5 years for the HIV. Everything was normal, thankfully. Physically anyway. The nurse there told me “at least they didn’t cut up your face. You’re lucky” Funny. I sure didn’t feel lucky.

I have not been myself since then. I never went back to that home/case. I gained weight, want to stay in the home, I am very closed off, don’t trust people, have flashbacks at random times, and I am scared to death to start a new private duty case. I am scared to death to even walk into a store in the town he lives in. I had to go talk to a rape crisis counselor. Every year when that month and day rolls around I think about it a lot. I have a very difficult time letting my girls go out with friends, even to movies or crowded places.

It’s something I still have to work on all of the time. But, I will NOT let them beat me. I will push myself to get past this, the nightmares, shame, depression and fears. I am still trying to get back to the person I was before. The closest I can anyway. God, my family and friends help more than anything.
Thank you very much for this website and giving us the chance to speak out and have a voice.

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