it was my first bonfire party and i was so excited. i live overseas during the school year so summer is when i get to reconnect with friends. i drank, a bit, not enough to do any damage and i found myself talking to the boy that everyone was whispering about. from our conversation, i learned that he was also visiting and that he had lived here before. it was such a nice coincidence to find out he lived next door to me as a child. he was handsome and charming, he didn’t need booze to face the social obstacles of a party.
i planned to sleep at my friend’s house that night since my parents did not know where i was. he was supposed to stay at his friend’s but whoever it was bailed on him and he was homeless for the night. luckily for him, my friend offered him the couch at hers.
it was 1 am when i crawled into the guest bed that night. i assume he came in not long after. i remember fighting him but he was over six feet, which was no match for me.
it was 4 am when he left my limp body on the guest bed’s blood stained sheets.
it was 10 am when i woke up, feeling like my insides had been ripped apart.
it was 12 pm, when i showered, washed the sheets on the cold cycle, and had made it to my friend’s side when she woke up with a hangover.
it was 6 pm when i got home to my own bed and cried myself to sleep.
— survivor, age 17
I can’t imagine how hard this must be on you, have you told anyone? You should get professional help for this if you haven’t already, I say this to everyone but only because it will help you heal. You deserve to heal, every survivor out there does. It must’ve taken a lot of courage to type this out and post it here so it’s amazing that you’ve done that. When you’re ready, you should tell people who you know will give you love and support (if you haven’t already) and take really good care of yourself until and after you heal. I mean it. It’ll be difficult, yes, but it’s possible for everybody, including you. I don’t even know who you are but you have 100% of my support and the support of everyone who reads this. If you’ve healed already, then I am proud of you and I hope you’re proud of yourself too. You should be really proud of yourself
I’m very sorry to hear about your experience. You don’t deserve that, not at all. Just remember, it’s not your fault and never will be, it’s his. No matter how nice and charismatic he appeared on the surface, you should not blame yourself for this. Can you talk to a counsellor or therapist so you can process your feelings? Have a good day and take care!
Dear survivor – thank you so much for sharing your story here. What he did to you was not your fault; no one ever has the right to touch you without your consent. It doesn’t matter if you were drinking – you didn’t consent. I would encourage you to talk to a therapist or counselor about what happened to you. What you’ve been through can be so hard to heal from but with a lot of work and love and support, you can do it. I believe in you. Sending you lots of love, Alexis
Dear Survivor – what happened to you is NOT your fault. It sounds like your perpetrator /criminal stalked you, there is no question he committed a very bad crime against you. It sounds like you have feelings of guilt that you were dirty or wrong needing to clean up – that is very normal with survivors but not true. You are wonderful and good hearted and gracious. A criminal attacked you and there was no one there to protect you – you did NOT deserve that. We are here for you, try to talk to someone.
You may need to make a decision in the future- you and your neighborhood know him. If in the future you decide to prosecute- we are behind you, and if you do not – it’s alright, you are not wrong. You have the power to express yourself. Thank you for your bravery!