As a 6 year old child, I was molested by an older cousin. I did not say a word about this for a few years. I accidentally spilled the beans one night to my mom. I was placed in counseling to deal with the trauma, and the person there to assist me in this taught my parents how to beat me without leaving any marks on me because I was so unruly. The counselor said, at the time, that being a victim means that now I would become an abuser as an adult.
Fast forward several years. I started dating and become sexually active. I met someone and got pregnant. We married, but sadly this ended due to him being unfaithful. During our marriage I had spoken of the abuse of my childhood. He then started mentally abusing me by making false allegations of me being an abuser. I finally get the courage to leave him.
I agreed to seek marriage counseling with him. One night after our counseling session, we went out we were trying at the time to rebuild our marriage. I still had not filed for divorce, but we were living separately. I had said to him several times that I did not want to have sex with him. I had said this in front of friend, family, and our counselor. On this night, I had been drinking and came to with his penis in my face. He was asking me to preform oral sex on him. When I came to again he had entered my body. I came to again and he was leaving my place.
The next morning when I called him and asked him about the night before. I asked him point blank if he had sex with me after I had said no. His response was “yes!” e wanted to be the first person to have sex with me since I got a tattoo. I told him that he raped me. I called our counselor and cancelled all future appointment and explained why. The counselor seemed to think I should still try and save my marriage. I then called an attorney and filed for divorce.
I told my divorce attorney about the rape and during the hearing I was questioned about this event and was told it was my free counseling session so I could heal.
I tried talking with my parents, but that was not an option because my mom disliked the fact that I was getting divorced. She supported my then husband and said, “You were married. It is not rape.”
I am a survivor, but I am unsure of how I did except by the grace of God. My children are grown and I am still single with no one to share this but with all of you.
Until I watched Brave Miss World on Netflix this evening, I had not though about this abuse for years. Thank you for speaking up and speaking out on this subject.
I am so glad you had the opportunity to watch Brave Miss World and that you felt safe sharing your story here. Sometimes just having a place to write your story down begins the process of lifting the weight of it off your shoulders. The fact that you had to endure both the trauma and the denial of your rape is very sad. You are absolutely a survivor; stronger than you know and braver than you realize. Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to read your story.
Thank you so much. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to respond. I cried for a few days after watching the show and making this post. Sadly I tried to speak to mother again about all this and I was told again that it is in the past get over it. I have had a chance to speak to my son about this topic, he is grown and getting married in a few months. I am unsure of his reaction almost seems like he is indifferent to this abuse I have suffered. I want to scream at the top of my lungs what my ex husband did to me and how it has effected me. Thank you again.
I am so sorry of what you have gone through. Our society must change with how they approach survivors . it is unacceptable. You are not alone ! I salut you for leaving this marriage, many women are not able to do so , i hope u are proud of yourself for that, you should be. I am a survivor myself and i know this pain very deeply, We survived and we will bring justice till the world gets it! till violence ends and until women and girls are respected amen! to that . I also want to send you lots of love healing and light into your soul. YOU ARE NOT ALONE namaste xx
Maya,
Thank you for your words of support. It is amazing that you can think your healed and over it to say and then all the memories and feelings coming flooding back. I then wonder am I so broken that I will never date or remarry again?? He moved on remarried and here I am happier but still alone after12 years. I not only don’t trust I have a hard time with taking a relationship slow. The years of sexual disrespect in my marriage has left me relearning things I should have learned as a young adult. Thank you again. God Bless.