Multiple Rape

I was raped on the evening of the 23 of December 2004. I was raped by three black men that ambushed me and then raped me. They pretended to help me on the side of the road where I was stuck. It was raining badly. I shouted and fought and did quite well until they eventually just picked me up and dragged me into the veld where the grass was long and we could not be seen from the road. They put me down with one of them sitting on my head with his knees on my shoulders holding me down with his hands on my forehead. I realized then only that they were going to rape me and started shouting out loud, “Don’t hurt my unborn baby” I was not pregnant but hoped for this to prevent them from hurting me to badly. The man at my head then pushed his hands over my mouth so I could not make anymore noise. They took turns to rape me changing positions. I at all times had someone at my head pushing my shoulders down and another holding my legs down while one of them would rape me. When the last man raped me I realized that the other two discussed in their own language what they wanted to do to me next. I saw the one guy touching his chest touching what I thought was a holster for a gun. I realized they did not know what to do with me next and became terrified and started to pray intensely. I heard a big noise and saw a lot of light and two of the men jumped up and started running whilst fixing their pants. I pushed the third man off me and also started running. I am not sure, up to this day if it was lightning or angels but it scared them. The third guy ran with me and said he will look after me and the baby. I ran into the road in the heavy rain hoping for someone to see me. A big truck went by and nearly hit me. A bakkie came by as I ran in the middle of the road and once he went past me pulled over and started to reverse towards me. It was a white security guard that saw the one black man still chasing me and he stopped and told me to jump in. He was on night shift and on his way to work when he saw me. He took me to hospital. As I arrived there was hardly any staff and the police had to be called first for a case to be opened and to issue a rape kit for an examination to be done. I lied there for about two hours waiting for the doctor to come with the semen in me becoming very emotional. Asked a nurse for a cigarette and went outside to smoke. my clothes were sopping wet as I sat there and i realized that I did not have my sneakers on anymore. A I sat there i pulled very long thorns out of my feet that I did not even realize was there. I became hysterical again as it all dawned on me and went back to the examination room wanting to get everything off me and scrub. The nursing sister on duty asked me why I was so hysterical and I told her that I have just been raped by three strangers. She said to me, ” I don’t know why you carrying on like that! It is not as if they cut you into pieces” I shut up and was very glad that I was not cut into pieces. It was now Xmas eve. The detective asked me whom he can notify and i told him to call my mom in the morning. They tested my blood to make sure I was not HIV positive and then issued me with arv’s and a whole lot of other drugs. No one other than my close family knew about this. the stigma of being raped and that by three strange black men was just to much to bear. I went to the police station to draw identikits of the men but they have not caught them up to this day The arv’s made me very sick and I stopped eating without realizing it. I did not go for any trauma counseling because I felt that I could cope with this. I was a self employed business woman and a single parent so could not give time to deal with this. I started getting panic attacks and went onto tranquilizers to prevent me from getting them. I never became hungry anymore and started to loose a lot of weight without realizing it. Soon I was on three 10 mg Valiums a day and continued to loose even more weight but always drank a lot of water. The Valiums did not work for the panic attacks anymore so I went onto 6 Ativan per day. I did not even notice that people looked at me strangely. My business deals started to crumble and soon I was not earning enough money to keep going. My family called me in and insisted that I must go and see someone. I did not even realize that people could see every bone in my face and body. Clients started asking me if there was something wrong with me. Two years after the rape I started going for trauma counseling and did this for two or so years. I went cold turkey of the medication only to realize that my body was addicted to it. For a two week period I could not sleep and every bone in my body ached. I hallucinated and paced up and down but did not want to take anything for the pain or to sleep. I now realize why drug addicts go back on the drugs because the physical pain is to much to bear. I am OK now and have been for a while. My therapist during all of this triggered my mind and I have not stopped learning about the negative effects trauma can have on your life and practically rewired my subconscious mind. I have become an activist against rape, sexual and emotional abuse and Martin, a male rape survivor and I have spoken to over 2000 children this year on being survivors and how to speak out about rape and help friends in similar positions. It all had a happy ending. My case has still not been solved. Next year I hope to speak to at least 10 000 children and will be launching more philanthropic ventures