My Boyfriend Raped Me

This all began when I met a guy at the age of 15. I met him through friends and all was great. He was so nice, attractive, wealthy, he really put on a good show for the first month. I was a virgin when we got together (obviously.) We had sex for the first time February 28th, I had never been comfortable in my body, I didn’t feel attractive or anything so this was a very uncomfortable experience for me. Let’s jump to a month into the relationship (march 2009) this is the month he started cheating on me with his ex girlfriend. You will have to keep in mind that the story I am giving you is the absolute worst two and a half years of my life. At this point we had had sex multiple times, I was never comfortable, nor did I initiate it, it was often painful (but I never said anything because I didn’t know how it was supposed to feel). This man, who drew me in so much, who was so great at first, lovable and made me fall head over heels was cheating on me, would tell his ex one thing and me another. We spent all of our time together and he would have his ex torture me. She would threaten to fight me, lunch me, run over me.. Anything she could to get a rise out of me. At this point I still blamed her for all of this madness. This man, who I thought cared so much would be so (what I now see as mentally abusive) toward me. He would force me to skip school and would get mad if I didn’t. Would tell me how weak and pathetic I was , he would often tell me that if I ever got fat and he says he knew I would he would dump me. He says he didn’t love me. When I would see his phone and see that his ex was texting him he would blame it on me and say it was my fault, I shouldn’t be checking his phone and I was an awful person, that he hated me. All of this went on for approximately two years. During this time he would initiate sex on a regular basis (3x’s per week) I would always tell him no that I did n’t want to and he would get mad until he would take off my pants. My hormones weren’t much at this time and I wasn’t attracted to this guy, what so ever at this point, all I could think about was him cheating on me. He would start to penetrate me and I would cry, loudly and tears would fall I would try to push him off but he was too strong and he would blame me, saying its my fault and I don’t love him. He would say if I did love him I would enjoy the sex. I would scream that it hurts and tell him no! Stop! He never listened. Never once did he listen to me. I would cry and cry at how much pain I would be in during and after, he didn’t care as long as he got to enjoy it. I couldn’t even look at the guy anymore. He had been my only sexual partner so I didn’t know what it would be like. He would refuse to wear condoms and tell me that he wanted a baby with me, I was only 15-17 when we dated so I made it very clear that I was not up for a baby yet and I was still in high school. He would get angry and not speak to me. This man (who I thought I loved) raped me for two and a half years. Two and a half years 2-3 times per week, you can do the math. I finally got away from that man, I did something he deemed as “unforgivable” and the best decision I ever made was to stay away from him. He tried to tell him he needed me back multiple times and I would just flat out say no and eventually changed my number so he wouldn’t contact me. Shortly after I found the man who is now my husband and I am madly in love, in a happy and secure relationship. It took me finding my husband to realize the guy back then, I didn’t love him at all. I despised him if anything. The only good thing I got out of him was his family (who since doesn’t speak, to him much) and I have a very close relationship with. I now realize with all of his anger issues, his crazy behavior that he needs help. Even his own family knows he needs help, and I pray he will get it. I have tried to forget that portion of my life, but it has made me who I am today. A happy wife, a mother of three and I know that it is all in the past and I am thankful everyday I didn’t let it go any longer. I hope that my story helps a girl out there, maybe it will save a life.