My Life History

I’m a girl of 22 years from Norway ….
Sorry my bad english, but hope you understand what I want to share with you.
I grew up with my mother until I was 10 years, when I was placed in foster care. My mother was mentally ill.
Since I was 5 years old until I was 9 years I was raped by my brother.
For me it was difficult and I was not allowed to talk about it. such things should be kept secret in my family, even though I was only a child.
When I moved in foster care when I was 10, I was very scared. my foster family scolded a lot to me and always told me that I was not good enough and there was no one who would have a child like me.
When I finally got me away from there and could move for myself when I was 16 years old. I had school and three jobs to be able to pay tuition and a place to live. This meant that I had not time to process my problems, but continued to do what I had to clear me and help my 2 year younger sister of clothes, phone and give her the opportunity to be with other friends.
When I was finished with school when I was 19, so I only had a job and my sister to take care of and my life began to be quieter.
I started to hang out with friends, going out to a party and felt that my life was better although much still felt to hard.
I had to quit my job because I had become burned out as age 20 years old.
Around March this year I had a girl friend with me. We drank and she invites two men around 40 years old. I think they were old, but thought it was okay.
We drank, enjoyed and had a good time. But I was very tired after a while and asked the men to go home because I wanted to go to sleep. My friend said that she could make sure they went, so I could just go to bed.
I trusted her.
Shortly after I fell asleep, one of the man came up to my room. He would try to sleep with me, but I said no. He did not hear me, he snuggled up to me and started to undress me. I tried to push him away, but could not. He was so strong and I could not do anything to stop him. My friend came to saw what happened, but just went away. Next day she simply said that we were drunk and such things can happen then.
I have not talked to her since. I have not dared to tell about this to anyone.
I’ve had it hard all my life and now all been mess.
I ‘m afraid of men and unable to trust anyone.
I’m just afraid of everything and is mostly alone for myself.
I live in a safe country, but i did’t feel that way. I am just afraid old the time and just try to find a way to live..

I hope I can be strong one day, so I can start to live. Now I just go around alone to exist. Sometime I feel I’m like dead or something. But I try to be here in this world and I try to find My life back.