My story is something I talk rarely about but your documentary has really help me find a common ground. And for once not ashamed to talk about.
I’m now a 32 years old who’s become an alcoholic and has anxiety and who who use to be a good mom. Sadly now, I’m bitter and angry. My story starts when I was 26. I was rape by my husband’s close friend. Then later by his cousin. Most say I’m to blame because I was drinking and, honestly as stupid as it sounds, I just trusted everyone because I thought they were our friends and family. I thought I was ok to get a little tipsy because they would take care of me. I was wrong.
First incident with his friend, I was with my girlfriend who was married to his twin brother. I thought she’d take care of me, but sadly some friends enjoy watching bad things happen to you and love to watch you fail. We went out for her birthday, and my husband was out of town. I got so drunk I don’t remember much, but just enough to know I never had a friend.
My second incident was my husband cousin, and we were all drinking. My husband and I being older went home which in a little town means down “next door.” I was drunk, asleep, and so was my husband. But, he was on the couch. The cousin came in at 3 am in my room, while my husband slept in another room. Now 6 years later his family still blames me. He’s grandmas words, “You shouldn’t bring a kitten in a room full of dogs.” My ex friend says, “You know what happen.” But, she says that now that we aren’t friends so I guess I’m just a lost soul.
Only people I have are a few friends. I don’t bother telling my family because. They will only blame me because alcohol was involved. I’m fighting a struggle with what’s normal and in question all the time with me. I don’t steal. I don’t lie and my cards are just played out so wrong.
Oh, honey, it’s true that getting drunk is not wise. But you are not to blame for being raped!
The blame and the shame belongs to the rapists!
It sounds like you didn’t report anything, and it may be too late to report now. But you do need to get help for yourself. See if you can find a rape victim’s help line to see if they can point you to an appropriate counselor.
But start to tell you self: It was not my fault that I got raped. The man who raped me are at fault. I am not bad for being raped. I am a valuable woman. I am important to my husband an children.
How old are your kids now? I’m sure they need you. I’m glad you realize you are becoming an alcoholic. So see if you can find an AA support group. They may be very helpful even in your recovery from being raped. Alcohol is not your friend! Get help now You are still young. Take control of your life.
As for “what’s normal” – rape is NOT normal! It is a crime, and any man who rapes a woman should go to jail! But it won’t happen unless women take control and report the jerks.
Praying for you,
Inge