I was raped when I was 4 or 5 years old. It has affected me terribly all these years but because I kept it a secret no one believes me. I love my husband very much but I hate sex because of my past. I’ve told him my story but he doesn’t get how much it damaged me. I tried to tell my family but they are so dismissive that I gave up.
No one knows how much this rape affected my whole life. What do I wish for? I guess I wish my loved ones acknowledged the crime against me and could be sympathetic. Not going to happen but at least I can be honest here and that does make me feel a little bit better.
I am so glad you found some comfort in sharing your story here. I think sometimes it is really difficult for family and friends to understand, to be sympathetic, or to believe. I often think this is because acknowledging the pain of the survivor is terrifying. As Linor said in the documentary, rape is very isolating. Even when you speak out, people don’t want to talk about it.
Know that you have a community here that believes you and that understands the damage you speak of. I hope in time you are able to heal from your ordeal. I believe that trauma like this stays with us, but it doesn’t have to define us.
Sending healing thoughts your way.