“Now I’ve gone for too long, living like I’m not alive, so I’m going to start over tonight…” —Hayley Williams. In the fourteen years of my life, I have found out what it means to love, to lose, to be abandoned, to hate, to love again, and to lose again. I have found out what it means to be lost and to be found, only to be lost again. In the fourteen years of my life I can honestly say that I have experienced true heartache, but with the help of my family—my true family—I have found out what it means to be happy.
In the fourteen years of my life, I have learned to not let go; I learned to hold on to happiness tightly and to not let it go because it may never come back. I have learned that love is immortal, and it will exist for years to come. I have learned to not take things for granted; people these days take everything for granted.
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It would be a shame not to say thank you to the people who have encouraged me to become the person I am today. I would like to say thank you to my mother, Laura, who came to rescue me when I was in the darkest place of my life. To my father, Juvenal, who has been my inspiration for moving my life forward. To my brother, Vincent, who has been there for me since birth. To my sister, Nevaeh, who is my reminder of new beginnings. To my four sisters, Alicia, Angelina, Arianna, and Alexa, who have all been my rock and my family, who have welcomed me into their home—our home. To my Aunt Andrea and Uncle Mike and their children, who have been constant supporters in my life, who have welcomed my brother into their home. The list of people who have helped me move forward is endless.
My final thank you goes to Victoria and Ron. Thank you for letting me and my family go when you did. I can not think of a better place to be in right now. I once read a quote that said children become their parents. I certainly hope I become like mine.
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To conclude, my past, by no means is perfect, and I can not change that. I have struggled and I will probably continue to struggle for as long as I live. Life does not define a person, for a person defines life. The actions we do, the things we say, the people we love, the people we let into our lives, and the people we let go— that defines life. “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” — Marianne Williamson
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Dear Jocelyn – I hope it’s ok that I’m only commenting on your final post. I could have commented on each but wanted to read your full story before I said anything. You’re absolutely right that life can be a struggle. Some of us struggle more than others, or at least we certainly all struggle differently. Sometimes it can be hard to understand why. Why can’t people just stop hurting each other? But I really do think that people who are hurt hurt others. It’s not an excuse and it doesn’t make it ok… but sometimes it helps me calm down when I’m really angry at the world.
I hope that you are in therapy to help work through everything that you’ve been through. The ups and downs (and deep downs) can be so overwhelming and having an outside voice and a supporter can make all the difference and help you heal and move forward and grow into the woman you want to be, whoever that is.
And last: please never give up. You have been through a lot and I know that sometimes things can feel so hopeless, but all it takes is one little thing to turn life around sometimes. To get you hope to get to the next day and then the next. Sending you so much love, Alexis
I think I was 11 years old when the worst day in my life happened to me. My body was changing and I was proud of the young lady I had become and looking toward finding my way in the world.
My 12 year old brother had his 2 friends stay overnight. I was asleep but awoke to the sound of a drawer opening where I kept the feminine ‘pads’. I was instantly embarrassed by that and realized the 2 friends were crawling to my bed and I froze with fear. Their cold hands touched me and I was so angry, hurt, and embarrassed. I told no one and got in to their faces but they did not care at all.
I thought they told all their friends and every single day of school was hell for me until graduation. I wanted to tell my mother the whole story but thought she wouldn’t believe me because I was always whining and picked on.
That was about 50 yrs. ago. Have had counseling but still bothers me badly sometimes like today. And especially since my brother was there but denies any involvement.
The fact that you’re 14 & can write with such maturity blows my mind. This was beautiful & deep & brought tears to my eyes. You’re incredible & I’m happy you finally found the family & life you deserve. <3