Planned Rape

I was in a complicated relationship. Complicated meaning he was done with his ex but she wasn’t done with him. Anyway, we’ve been together for 4yrs at the time and we’ve had our differences but nothing like this.
I’d come and stay with him at his home and he’d come stay with me sometimes. He lived down the road after moving in with his friend now roommate so it was very convenient. One day I had a dentist appointment I had caught a ride down to the appointment but asked him if he could pick me up being that I would not be able to drive. I had to get teeth extracted and minor surgery dentist warned me I’d be under and “loopy” for some time after with the meds he was putting me on.
After picking me up we went to his place, plan was I was going to stay the night. I knew nothing thereafter and I just needed sleep. I woke up with my whole face swollen of course and throbbing major headache too this was early hrs maybe 1am, 2am. He went and got me an ice pack to hold on my mouth/face and he began laughing. I said what, he said I was so out of it and talking a bunch of nonsense so funny he wanted to record it and show me later. After watching the vids I was laughing too I was seriously out of it. He went to the bathroom and I was looking thru his phone and watching about 3 videos of me talking silly with bloody swabs in my mouth I came across another video. Not getting too detailed, it was basically me being recorded as his friend/roommate was having sex with Me! I was shocked, shaking even. It was dark but I knew what I saw. He came in the room and I went off I was hurt more upset crying but screaming rage. I woke the house up his friend came out of his room and yelled screamed threatened his life. He was much bigger taller and they told me to leave and that I didn’t know what I was talking about. I was making a huge scene. I walked home(3 houses away). And sat in my room thinking crying what do I do.
When something like this happens to.you you don’t think logically. I wanted to get a bat go back down and beat him. I didn’t know what yo feel so angry yet so sad with hurt and betrayal from my own friend the guy I was seeing. I needed that video if anyone were to believe me. And I was out of it from the dentist so how do i explain something I didn’t know. I texted the roommate asking why and what was he thinking regardless whos idea it was you make your own choices. He said it was the guy i was with, it was all his idea and that he was sorry.
I kept in contact I went over still to see the guy I was seeing I needed that video. Every chance I got I went into his phone and tried getting it.

I still have not spoken out to about feeling like how would i explain what proof who would believe me its two friends against me. And at the time i did love and care for the guy I was seeing and I wouldn’t want him to get in trouble being he was dealing with family stuff himself. And how embarrassing for me with my job and my, family, my kids. It’s been 2 yrs since and it affects me every day My sleeping is bad, I trust very little, I’m stressed, im depressed, I feel ugly and gross ive even fainted a few times because of the anxiety. I have not seemed any help or medical attention. But it does consume me and make me physically sick. I’m hoping to find the strength to overcome this without judgment.