My partner was raped 10 years ago by a man she at the time trusted. He drugged her at his home. His wife was there and carried her home saying she had passed out due to alcohol but on the way back to her home raped her. She knows this from pain and the grass stains on her jeans and then dumped her on her sofa. She was ashamed as she is a lesbian and felt people would laugh but went to a clinic and had some sexual disease tests and I believe the morning after pill.
They tried to encourage her to report it but she was too scared. They said her vagina was a mess. She felt violated from a very different perspective. I watched your documentary and it has helped me understand her pain. You are a very brave and beautiful lady, Linor. I have tried to help heal my partner and we talk about it openly and hug and cry.
I have come to a conclusion rightly or wrongly, rape is not about sex but about power. You have broken his power over you as has she. Fight on and the ultimate power you have is live better be stronger…this you both have achieved.
You are so right – rape is about power. I read this great quote once that said “rape is the sexual expression of aggression, not the aggressive expression of sex”. It makes a lot of sense. The most important thing that partners and other family members can do for survivors is to listen. As Linor says, rape is very isolating. Even if you tell people, they don’t want to talk about it and so the survivor remains isolated. The fact that you listen and remain open and available to really hear her, speaks volumes about your own strength and bravery and I can assure you it moves mountains for her. Thank you for the love and devotion you show by standing in solidarity. In light and love, Alissa