Raped at 17

was living away from home my parents were divorced I needed to take a break away from the problems associated with divorce so I left home.
I rented a room near a cake shop at the time I was working there.

I started to make friends with a girl that was a customer and had a lot of problems with her relationship with her boyfriend.
I decided to leave my job and I told my boss. I had met a 28 year old at thepub and he had told me he had a room available if I wanted.
We became friends and I moved with him.

There was 11 years difference he had liked me and we ended up in a relationship I was immature and not ready to be in a relationship. I had sex with him for the first time on the beach I was a virgin. Later in a relationship he was getting more and more serious which I didnt want.
Shortly after we were at a pub and were arguing I broke up with him and he was angry. A bartender came to me and asked if I was alright I said I was.

Later we ended up having a relationship I was very drawn to him he was blond fair and goodlooking but trouble as he was into drugs and introduced me to that. My girlfriend and I did not have a place to stay so we stayed at our friends place and sometimes on the street.

One day I had been looking for her as I was always the one that was looking out for her as she was known to get herself in trouble. Someone had told me she was at a friends place.

I went to the house I had not had a shower and I asked the guy that answered the door first if he had seen her he said no and secondly could I use the shower he let me come in.

At the time I didnt sense any danger I had used the bedroom to get changed and then went to the bathroom. He had a male friend in the house as well.
Shortly after the guy that opened the door came in to the bathroom he started to kiss me I said what are you doing he was making out that I was ok with him kissing me I told him to leave which he did. I remember seeing the window and thinking I could climb out but it was too high.
I has to go to the bedroom where my clothes were.

While there he came in with me and grabbed me I was scared he was rough I said I had a disease there so he put me on the bed and raped me from behind. His friend was outside the door I was in shock I remember thinking this could be the end I remember he had tear tattoos going down from his eyes.

Later I remember a taxi and he was in it along with his friend and I we stopped outside the pub he told me if I told anyone he would kill me. I walked into the pub my friends were there I went to the toilet and noticed I had blood on my undies. Later I told my boyfriend but he didnt believe me he called me a slut. I confided in a male friend and he did believe me and told me he would get back at the guy he arranged a fight.
Shortly after would have been a few days on the day of the fight a car pulled up outside the pub a bunch of guys in it the driver had told me the sister of the guy that had raped me was after me that I better go away from the pub. I got into the car believing him.

He drove me to a house and he and the rest of the guys came into the house I remember going into a bedroom. There was about 5 or 6 guys. One guy put me on the bed I streamed and I heard the mother saying is everything alright the guy explained something I dont remember what. Then he raped me and another guy as well I think two or three the others were watching. After my ordeal they drove me I think to my friends place I remember feeling numb and in shock. My friend answered the door and said you look like you’ve seen a ghost I told him the whole story.

Years later I was walking in a street and I recognized him with his tattoo tears on his face he was with a women and young child I was about to say something he looked at me and shook his head I didn’t say anything just walked past him.

About 5 years ago I decided to write a letter to the police station telling them what happened to me about the rape and the next rape I didnt put my name just details of what I remember. Now im a mother of a 23 year old daughter and a grandmother of two little girls. Over the years I have had councelling but my life has never been the same. I wish that those men would have been punished but I believe in carma. Thankyou for letting me share my story. I am now 50 years old but those bad memories haunt me.

— Australia, Sydney