First of all, I want to thank Linor. Thank you for sharing your story. I have watched it about 5 times by now. Every time I have a hard time, I watch this so I don’t have to feel so alone.
I am 22 years old now and I was sexually abused when I was around the age of seven by a man that was fixing things around my parents house. At first I actually liked him. He was funny, brought me games and other things. I remember the first time something happened very well. He asked me if I wanted to see something, but it had to be a secret between just us two. Of course, a seven year old thought a secret was awesome. Well it was not that secret I had in mind.
It happened a few times, I don’t remember everything and sometimes I’m glad I don’t. Sometimes I want to know everything that he did to me. It was actually this year I had a really hard time with it. I got depressed and felt just horrible.
I am 22 years old and I can not sleep alone at nights. If I do, I cannot sleep or have nightmares. I have told one of my sisters and my parents not so long ago, but I feel like I cannot talk to them because they don’t know what I feel like, when your scared at night, when you are exhausted by all the thoughts.
I am frustrated…does anyone relate?
Thank you so much for sharing your story. While I can’t speak to your specific experience, I can tell you that what you’ve explained about the aftermath of sexual abuse is very real and most survivors can relate. A common response to sexual trauma is to only remember bits and pieces. It is also really common for the effects of sexual trauma to not fully hit a survivor until many years after.
One of the things Linor says in Brave Miss World is that rape is very isolating, that even when you tell people, they don’t want to talk about it. I would offer that the same is true of child sexual abuse. I think that is the beauty of this site. You are surrounded by a community of people who do understand what you feel like, who know what it like to be scared at night and exhausted by all the thoughts.
I don’t know where you are located, but I do know that, if and when you are ready, there are many incredibly helpful resources that can assist you as you navigate the healing process. I hope that sharing your story here helped you to feel more empowered and less isolated.