Sexual abuse

my older cousin sexually abused me at age 6 till 11. when it all happened i thought it was normal. he made me watch pornography with him, he touched me down there, butt, breasts. i don’t remember a lot about it, i only remember a couple of things. like one time at my grandmothers house, her and her friends were having a cup of coffee in the kitchen, then i was in the office suddenly my cousin came in and started touching me everywhere, i cried and curled up into the corner begging him to stop, but he tried to shut me up when i was crying, because my grandmother was close by. this also happened A BUNCH of other times that i cant count how many times it has happened, but i remember literally hitting him and telling him to back off, but he still continued for years. he also made me do stuff to him. Currently i am 13 years old, suffering from depression, social anxiety, probably BPD, but im not sure, and an eating disorder. i really want to runaway from home, why? because im living in the house where it all happened the most, im still trying to get better, went through 3 suicide attempts already and still haven’t told anyone my story.