I was 17 years old. I had my very first boyfriend, I was over the moon excited! We had dated for about five months or so. Just after Halloween, I had just realized that it wasn’t working out. So, I had broken up with him. A week maybe two weeks later. He had called me, which I thought that it was weird that he called me. But I answered and he asked me to come over and talked. I was hesitant, but I said why not. I texted my parents and told them that I was going over to his house to walk. I get there and he was getting himself some dinner and brought it to his room. He sat on his bed and I sat on the opposite end of his bed. We just talked, I don’t remember what we talked about. But I do remember that he told me that I looked very nice today. I answered back politely thank you. But his compliment did not mean anything to me. He then said “Ya know, we did not get a chance to say good-bye.” My response was “I guess.” He then pulled me in for a kiss. Which I had no problem with. I had kissed him before, even made out with him. That night I did make out with him willingly. I do not remember that much about that night. After making out with him, the next thing I remember is laying on my stomach with him on top of me. When he got off of me and said “that was great.” Then I remember getting dressed, and just bolting out of his house. As soon as I was out of his house I started bawling. I called my friend explain to her what had happened. She told me get out he is using me for sex. My response was “I am done with him.” I arrived home and went straight to my room. When I finally decided to go downstairs and tell my parents what happened. I was emotional that I do not remember what was said. But I did no press charges due to the fact that I went to his house willing, I made out with him willingly and I was scared of what would happen. It was never talked about with my family after. Which disappointed me. I was in therapy, but one thing my dad did tell me was not to tell my therapist because she is a mandated reporter. Which made since to me. I could have told her right when I turned eighteen. But I was still scared, so I waited about sixth month after my assault to tell her. I do not regret my decision to not press chargers or to wait to tell my therapist. But to this day I am still struggling to deal with it.
— Alyssa, age 18
The good news here is that you are reacting to this criminal act with a very strong character! You told your parents and are actively seeing a therapist. You may be struggling but you are struggling in the right direction to be strong and well. Be aware that you did nothing wrong ! You did not willingly let him attack you. And trust me – he knew EXACTLY what he was doing, it was premeditated, he knows you are a nice trusting person, gaining experience, and you obviously instinctively understood you needed to give him the boot. He knew what he wanted to do, he was probably put out that you broke up with him before he could assault you and he set you up – he tricked you and you are not to blame! Keep your mind open about pressing charges, it’s not good for him to get away with it completely but do realize what he did to you is a CRIME! Keep up the good work, keep talking to another human about it and as you get older you will heal and become an even stronger lady!
Sharon’s right. You’re strong af for typing this out, for telling your family, a lot of people are afraid to. I admire your courage and your strength. Don’t ever blame yourself. He’s the one who did this to you. Stay strong, Alyssa, keep pushing forward and remember you’re not alone, you’ll always have support everywhere you look no matter what
Dear Alyssa – thank you so much for sharing your story here. I’m really glad that you are talking to your therapist about what happened. First of all, it doesn’t matter if you made out with him willingly that night, anything he did without your consent is NOT OK and consenting to other acts does NOT MAKE IT YOUR FAULT!!! As far as pressing charges, that is a super personal decision and I respect whatever you decide to do as long as you are safe. Struggling to deal with it is normal. I wish I could tell you that it quickly fades into the past and you don’t have to struggle, but it takes a lot of hard work to process it and be able to heal. I do believe you can do it though, especially with the hep of your therapist. I believe in you and you are very brave. Thanks again for sharing your story. Love, Alexis