Im a 39 year old woman from India. I was sexually abused at 8 years old by my 15 year old cousin for a period of 6 months.
My cousin lived with his mother in the same apartment building as my family. We used to visit each other’s homes quite frequently since his mother is my dad’s sister.
My parents worked full time and I was in the care of a stay at home nanny. All was well in my childhood till I reached the third grade. Those were days when telephone has recently been introduced across homes in India. My family got a phone as well and as a curious child, I was excited to receive phone calls from friends and relatives. And so it happened one day. I heard the phone ring and it was my cousin on the other side. He asked me to go upstairs to his apartment to “play”. An unsuspecting 8 year old I was, I did as I was told. Surprisingly enough my nanny didnt suspect any foul play and let me go.
When at his place, my cousin slowly cajoled me to get closer to him, tried mouth to mouth French kisses with me. I remember being absolutely disgusted but didnt quite understand what was going on. He then made me wear a swimming cap over my eyes and then asked me to remove my underwear.During the same time he made me taste something that I couldn’t see because my eyes were covered with the swimming cap. But now looking back , I realise that he basically made me put his penis in my mouth and lick it.
This episode lasted for about 1 hour and then he sent me back home. He then regularly over a period of 6 months French kissed and groped me at available opportunities.
After 6 months it all stopped. As a child, I didnt understand what had happened to me.
I didnt even know what sexual abuse was.
Much later when I came to the United States amidst all the chatter around abuse, I realised that I had been abused.
Since this happened during my growing years, I suspect that it had a deep impact on the way my body reacts to men. I have not had a single fulfilling relationship in my adult life. The brief sexual relations I did have were extremely painful for me to handle.
I told my parents about my experience about 4 years back because until then the stigma around it was too scary to even tell my parents. As I expected, my parents told me it was too late to confront my cousin or his mom and that this would be to my detriment. In the meanwhile, I see that my cousin has had a fulfilling life with a wife and 2 kids and a successful career to boot. Everytime I see his family, I question if his actions stole my chance at happiness with a man and family of my own.
I’m trying very hard to forgive and move on. Hopefully putting the experience to print is cathartic and helps this process.
Thank you for hearing my story.
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Thank you for SHARING your story! I hope writing your story here – and knowing that other people are reading it – is healing and cathartic. First of all, what happened to you is NOT your fault. Of course you didn’t know what was happening as a child. We learn that people older than us, especially family, are supposed to keep us safe. I think you’re probably right that it impacted you as an adult. I think there are ways to make sexual experiences pleasurable again but I would strongly encourage you to work with a professional therapist to help you. It can be a process to find a therapist but it can be so worth it. I think you can still be happy but it takes some work. Not fair – I know. But you can do it and you deserve it.
As for what your parents said – I completely respect that they’re your parents but they don’t get to decide how you proceed. If you and a therapist decide that you want to confront your cousin then you can talk through a way to do that. Only you get to decide what is to your detriment so I would encourage you to work through that and then make a decision. Sending you lots of love, Alexis
You are so brave to write your story here to help others. Many survivors have written here to say that having love is a goal and they are able to carefully work to reach that goal successfully. If you are feeling like confronting your cousin, it’s not the wrong thing to do, only YOU can decide that and whatever you decide is right. The idea of a therapist or counselor to help you is a good one, as this can give you support and options. As I hope you know you were not to blame, what your cousin did was very wrong and a crime and being affected by it is very normal ,Thank you again for being so brave!
Thank you for sharing, you are so brave.
I have just returned from my psychologist where I am currently receiving treatment for the sexual abuse that occurred at the hands of my brothers. I was 6, they were 12 & 14.
You story resonates with me especially around the relationships, as I have also struggled while they both married and had children.
I find each time I share my story it does ease my burden a little bit. Try and surround yourself with friends and family that will lift you up and support you.
Lots of love, light and prayers to you
Nicole
Thank you so much for sharing. I’m a 13 year old, going on 14, who hopes to raise awareness for women like you. I look up to women such as yourself who have been through those situations.