I was assaulted almost a year ago to this date, and no one believes me.
My partner at the time, a girl that had been my friend for four years before asking me to be in a relationship with her, was extremely manipulative.
She made me hate myself, made me believe I was nothing without her and that if I wasn’t pleasing her I was doing nothing of worth.
She wanted sex- I hated it. I’d been sexually abused before, as a child, and it makes me sick to entertain the idea of having sex with anyone.
But regardless, she wanted sex. She groomed me to please her, demanded that I either had sex with her or she’d leave me. She was the only person I had. I couldn’t survive if she left me.
There was no violent force. I was not restrained. I didn’t cry.
But the entire time I told myself I didn’t want it, I told her I was uncomfortable, it didn’t feel good, I wanted to stop.
She didn’t listen, she didn’t have to. She knew I’d keep going no matter what.
I wish I could stop myself, but I needed her.
— Survivor, age 15
Dear survivor – thank you so much for sharing your story. First and foremost I want you to know that I BELIEVE YOU!!!!!! I know you wrote there was no violent force or restraint but in my opinion, someone who makes you scared and manipulates your view of the world is just as powerful and just as hard to overcome. Next to impossible.
I would really encourage you to talk to a counselor or a therapist about what you’ve been through. I know this might be difficult because of your age, but a local rape crisis center might be able to help. Or there are some phone numbers on the “Get Help” section of this page. You deserve to heal because you ARE worthy and you DESERVE to heal. I believe in you. Sending you love, Alexis