I visited this website one week after I was raped in search of story like mine to convince myself what happened to me was rape. Six months ago I went out for the last weekend at college with my friends for a “girls night”. I was drugged at a local bar at a university I attend and was awoken by a stranger having sex with me. I remember being at the bar for about 15 minutes and then after my memory goes black. I remember parts of night in flashes. I remember the pain being so bad and trying to push him off with tears running down my face, but having no power in my arms. I thought it was my fault for the longest time, that I had somehow drank too much or had done something to make it happen to me. I felt like I was broken and could never be fixed. It was the nightmare that had become my life and I was reliving it every day. It wasn’t just the rape itself that haunted me, but going to the hospital and having to tell complete strangers what happened to you in vivid detail. Having to be stripped and examined by a stranger with bruises down your body. It has taken me six months to have the courage to post this, but if you are reading this I want to tell you it gets better with time. Confide in the people you love and allow them to help you. Most importantly know what happened to you is not your fault, bad things CAN and DO happen to good people. We may not be able to control what life throws at us, but we can control how we handle it and move forward.
— Survivor, age 19
This has a wonderful message. Keep going, human. You’re doing great.
Dear survivor – thank you so much for sharing your story. It doesn’t matter how much time it took you; you are very brave to share with us and I appreciate your story. I have no doubt at all that your story will help someone else looking for a story they can relate to. What you write about it not just being the rape itself is so important. The impact of a rape is quite far reaching; some days I find myself surprised at what I can handle and other days I find myself surprised at what I can’t. I think your message is so spot on – keep going and let people love you. Admittedly I struggle with that part a lot but in the moments I am able to do it, it’s amazing. Thank you for reminding me of this important truth. You are very wise at only 19 and I can’t wait to see what you bring to this world. Lots of love and respect, Alexis
In your case, you did the smart thing and spoke up immediately when it made a positive difference in getting justice. Good for you but not everyone speaks up when it will help because they are in denial, shock, feel ashamed or are too afraid. I didn’t tell anyone until months later when the festering wound became too much to keep secret any longer but by then…all the evidence of what happened was gone. It was just my word against his. Speaking up too late cost me my friends, my public high school education, and nearly 11 years later my mental and emotional health has been through the ringer to the point its negatively impacted my physical well being as well. If you speak up then do it immediately even if you’re not sure something did happen. They can do a bloodtest to check for date rape drugs and examine for other signs of assault/rape. Don’t keep it secret…talk to a therapist if you don’t feel comfortable confiding in friends or family. Don’t go through the self-harming, negative coping mechanism downward spiral that I went through. Even if you don’t go to police or the ER, there is still help. Chat, hotlines, forums, groups, individual therapy. I haven’t had any luck with those honestly but it does help a lot of people to a degree.
I am very sorry, I hope you can heal from this.
i am sorry for you i hope u can heal from this experance
You are so wise Survivor – thank you for your wonderful words- everything you said is normal for a survivor to feel. I am sorry you had to deal with this horrible crime. You were so brave to go to the hospital etc. You give such wise advice – “Confide in the people who love you and allow them to help you” And “take control” of the aspects of your survivor expressions. Thank you for helping others !