This is my story.
I have never told anybody about this so specific as I´m about to now. Because of a very turbulent and sad years when I was teenager this episode has always been put away in my mind. Until I saw the documentary “Brave Miss World”.
I am a girl from Denmark, and the night it happened I was 17. I lost my mom when I was 12 to cancer, and my dad started to drink and get very depressed. He was there for me, but when he drank and got depressed, I had to move away from the house and live with my brothers wife, or somebody else. No one could would talk to me about my mothers dead. I was alone with my hurt. Many years i have been working with my self and my past regarding my loss of my mom and later my dad. But sometimes the episode that night comes up. Something I always saw as my fault, something I “wanted to do”.
I was out in the local disco with my closest friend. A famous rap band was playing that night. After the concert my friend and I saw that the band was hanging out in the bar. We went up to say hi, and get in contact. It was exiting and fun. A man from the band, the manager, told me to sit down and get some drinks. I remember I saw that it was a big bottle for everybody to drink, so I got a glass. I was not that drunk before I sat down at the table.
The next thing Ii remember is that I am naked sitting on a naked man, with is “thing” in me, in a small hotel room. I am very dizzy, he is sleeping, and I am afraid. My body is shaking and I feel hurt. I get my pants on and i can feel that my back is very hurt. I get home, and sleeps. Next day I see that i have long marks on my back. I am dizzy, and sick. I felt completely it was me who wanted this, that it was my fault and that I should say nothing to no one, because then I was a whore. To day I can still be in doubt if it was me who made this happen. My friend saw me and said that it was very clear that i was drugged. She saw me leave the place with him, and she could not get in contact with me. Today I don’t know way she didn’t do anything, but she was drunk to she said. I have to say, that I did not or never drink that much when I went out in the past. I was never that drunk that I got lost in remembering things. So it was very difficult for me to under stand that I could be that drunk after 2 drinks.
The man that got me to his hotel room, got me pregnant. I was so afraid that I said to everybody it was my ex boyfriend that got me pregnant. I remember punching my stomach so hard so that the child could die. It is so unbelievable to think about that is was like that. 🙁 and that I reacted like that.
I got to the doctor and she send me to get the foster out on the hospital. Then my life went on. So many things was hard for me, and I later on worked with my self to get the sorrows, pain, and failure healed in my body. Today I am married to a wonderful man and have a little boy, 7 years old. I am working with my passion, and I have fought and fought for a better and happier life, because I do not want to be a victim of the past… but to day I saw this documentary, and I remembered that feeling of rape, and sadness and guilt.
I really hope that you have read my story and believe in me.