I read a recent story where a woman described not remembering, or seeing someone else. I know how you feel, my sister!
I would rather not give exact details, fearing reprisals, but I was raped in the office of an authority figure. I can say that today, but at the time, nothing happened to Me, never to the Me that is speaking.
I saw that poor girl on the couch being raped, and thought that I should do something to help Her, at least call someone to help Her.
I left the office, but nothing had happened to Me there. I never had anything happen to Me, none of the times I was there.
I felt the need to drink, and drink heavy, and it helped me deal.
I know at least this once, 3 other customers went to show me a back room, but nothing happened to Me. I just went home late that night.
A friend went to help this poor girl who was being taken advantage of at a party, but she couldn’t stop it, nor could I. She tried to get me help, but I couldn’t imagine what for.
It was the night I saw this girl walk across a corporate center near where I worked, climbed a chain link fence and went to the highway shoulder, and closed her eyes. I knew She would never make it running across, but I could not stop Her. Somehow, She managed to not get hit. The State Trooper gave Me a ride to a hospital.
That girl and I shared a bathroom. I could see Her in the mirror, or in the water, or the glass outside the grill. I was kind of glad that She got some help, but I didn’t know why I could help Her.
No the same thing didn’t happen to Me, I was a virgin, and didn’t really like men. I didn’t drink too much, just enough. I didn’t feel depressed, I almost didn’t feel.
It was over 2 years before I could understand what I was doing. Some therapy got out what happened, but I still do not recall any of it, more like reading your Read Story section.
I am in therapy, and do not foresee the days without.
As to the woman who wrote of a similar experience, and any I did not see, you ARE Brave, much Braver than Me, or Her, or the ones that caused it. I could not be there for Her, but I try to be there now.
— Survivor, age 39
Dear survivor – thank you so much for this post. I can definitely relate to what you’re saying about feeling like it happened to someone else – to another girl. But I promise you that YOU are so brave for posting this. You are brave for surviving and I am SO grateful to read that you are in therapy. I often ask myself if not being in therapy anymore is the right goal and I’m still not sure. But in any case, please know that the process can take a long time. Sometimes it feels like you took a bunch of steps back. But I know you can do this and you deserve to heal. That girl – she deserved to be protected but what happened was not your fault or her fault. It was the fault of that authority figure. You are doing the best you can and I’m really proud of you for pushing forward. I believe you can do this because I believe you are worth it. Sending you love, Alexis