I was 17. A really bright student. It was pretty hard for me to be close friends with guys especially the popular ones. I had a boyfriend at the time a fist time for me. It was a long distance thing, but he had been a long time crush of mine and I loved him to the core. The other guy was a class mate of mine. It started off innocently enough with him asking for help with school work, then we got closer to a friendship level. He confided in me about his life, dreams and aspirations. He also claimed to be a born again Christian. Which to me was like bait on a hook n I feel for it. I started doubting my long distance relationship cause he didn’t give me the attention I needed. But the other guy was all over me,even overly protective like I was his. That made me feel loved and wanted. I’ve battled with low self esteem since I was 6 so I fell for it like the idiot I am. I loved the attention he gave me for once I felt worthy. Most of all i trusted him. Then one day I was home alone, I sent him a text to come over but he didn’t reply till late at night. I told him then that it was to late. He told me that he was in trouble and needed a place to crash for the night. I said no and asked if he couldn’t ask one of his friends. He asked me how I’d feel if I found out the next morning that he’d been found in a ditch, dead. I fell for it. So he came over. We ended up in bed but I changed my mind I told him that I wasn’t comfortable with the idea. That’s when things took a turn for the worst. He forced himself onto me. I tried to get him off but he was too heavy. I tried screaming and I cried but to no avail. Then I just stopped fighting. I let him finish. He didn’t use protection. He then started to say sorry and started to pray that I wouldn’t get pregnant. Then he left me lying there. I was too ashamed to tell anyone. I didn’t get help. I lied to my boyfriend that I cheated. He was heartbroken. I told myself that it would be my little secret no one needed to know. I blamed myself for it. And deserved what ever came to me. Until two months later when I found out I was pregnant. I decided to keep the baby as punishment. I guess. The nine months that followed were filled with emotional abuse from my father. My father was ashamed of me, he said that I would amount to nothing but a play thing for little boys who would leave me for the next best girl. A baby making machine is all I would be fit for. My boyfriend became a jerk. I felt all alone. Fell into depression. Tried to commit suicide three times. Still trying to deal with it. Stopped blaming myself. I’m raising my son who is four now. He is so precious. I love him to bits. In a committed relationship with the same guy I was with then. He eventually found out the truth after he forgave me. Loves us to bits. Love him even more. Taking it one step at a time. I tried to tell my father, he just said that I deserved it. What did I expect, cause that’s all boys wanted. To use. I never mentioned it again. I’ve seen the stories on the site and mine is quite minor to some of the stuff I’ve read so far. Big ups to all of you. You give me courage. Thank you.
— Survivor, age 23