What you stole from me..
T, you are the man who stole my independence, you are the one who stole my innocence, you are the one who stole my sleep at night, you are the one who stole my will to get up some mornings, you stole a lot from that I may never get back.
What I miss…
I miss my independence, I miss being able to walk out to my car by myself without my thoughts consuming me. I want to be able to stay in my room alone when my roommate isn’t here without my body shaking at night. I miss being able to lay down at night without my memory washing over me, without reliving every agonizing second of what you did to me.
What I wish..
I wish you wouldnt have posted a video of you bragging about getting out of jail. I wish you would have stopped after me, and not gone after other girls. I wish you could have learned your lesson. I wish I didn’t watch your video every night.. I wish I could lay in bed with my boyfriend and not wake him up because I’m dreaming of you coming after me. I wish you would rot in hell…
What I want other girls to know.
It’s okay to hurt, it wasn’t your fault, something happened to you that you didn’t have control over. Even if he didn’t hold you down but threatened your life, or your family, you still had no control. Whoever did this to you has issues. I know that it’s easy to blame yourself.. but you don’t have too.
Sincerely, the one who will never be a victim but instead a survivor, but yet the girl you still raped.
— Survivor, age 19
Dear survivor – thank you so much for posting your story. I’m really proud of you for sharing this. I know can be hard to internalize what you tell others but what happened to you is NOT your fault. It makes me incredibly sad that he raped you and others but your heart is so clearly beautiful by the fact that you included that in your wishes. I do believe you can get some of those things back. Maybe not in the same way they were before but I do think you can walk to your car and be alone in your apartment. It’s hard and will take work but I do believe you can do it. I would encourage you to talk to a therapist about what you’ve been through. The nightmares and flashbacks are really normal but they can get better. A therapist can really help with this as they’ve been trained to help you work through them. Lots of love and light, Alexis