ts hard to remember when it started happening. I know for sure it was before I was in kindergarten but I’ve blocked out most of my elementary school years. He was a man I called dad, even though he wasnt biologically so. He was there from the time I was three months old till the time I stopped talking to him when I turned 18. He was my moms boyfriend, she was 17 at the time and he was 20, until I was about 3 and they broke up. I saw him every day because he was my babysitters son, and he was my dad to everyone because he decided to take on that role even though he wasnt with my mom. He stole my childhood and my innocence. This happened throughout elementary school, and stopped before I went into middle school. At this point my mom had been with my sisters dad for about 7 years, he was a drunk but he never harmed me in any way. They broke up and shortly after my mom got with another guy and moved him into our home. After about a year together, we all went on a camping trip and he groped me the entire night, with his son between us. I woke up and was scared shitless, because he was abusive and I had thought I had finished being sexual abused already. When we got home he apologized and said he was drunk and thought I was my mom. Then about a week later he came into my room really early and got in bed with me and began touching me again. This went on for three weeks, when I finally got the courage to tell him to stop before I told the cops. I never told my mom about this because I honestly thought she would pick him over me. He abused my mom, he attacked me in my grandmother’s front yard and took me to the ground and I threatened him with a knife multiple times when he got to close. I kept a baseball bat beside my bed and my mom was with him for 4 years. And I never told her about the other one because I knew she relied on my babysitter to watch us while she worked. I wasnt safe at my babysitters and I wasnt safe at home. I was never depressed, I wasnt suicidal and the pain of these events haven’t hit me till now. I dislike older men, I question all father daughter relationships and I dont want kids in the future because I dont want this to happen to them. I am not the only one this happened to in my family. My cousin was severely molested/raped and the man went to jail, but that is not my story to tell. I recently told my mother what happened and she cried a little hugged me and then turned around and began to act normally like nothing happened and we haven’t talked about it since. That is probably the most painful part of this story.
— Survivor, age 20
Dear survivor – thank you so much for sharing your story. I understand your distrust of father/daughter relationships; we read FAR too many stories of abuse in the home. I do think there are some healthy – even loving and amazing – father, daughter relationships but I would never pressure you to do anything you don’t want to, including having kids. As far as your mom’s behavior – I’m so sorry she didn’t comfort and support you the way you deserve and the way you probably hoped she would. It can be really hard to put your pain ahead of one’s own when you disclose, but that’s no excuse and you deserve love and support. But if she can’t give it to you, I hope you can get it from another source.
Having said that, I would encourage you to work with a therapist to address how you’re feeling. Your emotions are totally valid but it can help to have someone work through them with you. You can do this. I believe in you. Love, Alexis