So last week I was with my friend and one of her guy friends. We were staying at his place. We all went out for drinks. I got very very drunk and have no recollection of coming home. My next memory is only two seconds long of him naked on top of me. Then my mind goes blank again. I remember waking up a while after completely naked and getting changed into pjs. I was very confused and unsure of what happened. A few days later my friend told me that he told her we had had unprotected sex, but I remember none of it. I was never even slightly attracted to him so I doubt that changed when I was drunk! The next day he was all friendly again as if nothing happened. Did he rape me?
— Survivor, age 19
Dear survivor – thank you very much for sharing your story here. I won’t define your experience for you – not because it doesn’t matter what happened to you – but because it’s not my place. But I will say a few things: no one ever has the right to touch you without your consent. If you had unprotected sex, you might consider getting tested for STIs just to be safe. No matter what happened or how you define it, whatever you’re feeling about it is valid.
I would encourage you to talk to a counselor or a therapist. They can help you work through what you’re experiencing and help you decide how to move forward. Do you want to confront him? Do you want to tell someone? It’s all up to you, which can be a bit daunting, I know – but you are in control. And despite what society might tell you there’s no one right way to heal. It’s whatever works for you. But a therapist can be really helpful in guiding you to figuring out what that is. Sending you love, Alexis
Yes, technically, it is very much rape. If someone is inebriated, they don’t have a clear mind to consent, and he took advantage of that. If you don’t remember saying anything, it is rape, even if you remained quiet. You are extremely brave for posting this! You are strong and you deserve happiness. However, you may want to talk to a therapist about your experience. Have a great day and take care!