Seven months ago he was there when I was drunk. I don’t know his name and I never will. I know that I returned to my friends home with no underwear but a dress on. My dress was my only protection. I don’t know if I barely remember that night only because of drinking or if it was just so traumatic that I choose not to remember.
As time goes on, I remember more things I do not see his face but I saw his hands. He took me to his place within my building and apartment where I lived. I know I was raped.
As a woman, I can tell when I have been violated even when I don’t remember the exact moments. I know there is nothing I can do. No way to change what happened but to learn and move on. I don’t want to have to be careful but that is what I have to be. I need to teach others how to move on and be strong.
The fact that you are speaking out after only seven months speaks volumes. I am inspired by your courage to speak out so soon. I noticed your title is “Who is to blame?” I hope you have come to learn that what happened to you has nothing to do with you. You have no blame in what happened. Rape happened because people commit rape. The trauma of rape affects people differently; for some they remember every detail, for others moments come back bit by bit over time. Your body knows what your body knows. You are on the right path to healing. I hope that you allow yourself to feel the emotions you need to feel and that you move on in your own pace. You are already showing people how to be strong!
I think that you are a very strong, intelligent and inspiring person. I hope that someday I can be as brave and have as much courage as you.