Molest

Hey, guys. So, yeah… I’ve been keeping these feelings of anger and betrayal in for too long, and I’ve decided to finally share my story. Since a very young age, my parents taught me that my (woman part) is mine, and no one should ever get to touch it WITHOUT my consent. So, I guess I knew it was wrong, but sadly when you’re that young, you don’t really know what the meaning of the word ‘molest’ is. So, I remember I was 6 at the time and my mom’s work friend/ best friend offered to look after someone’s house while they were away, and we slept over with her at the house. Unfortunately her (at that time) boyfriend decided to tag along as well… So we went out to visit their friends as we were looking after the house and I remember at that time I used to have a favorite blanket that had Barbie’s face on it, and that’s how I remembered what happened back then… The blanket helped me to remember. So, basically I’d never, ever go anywhere without that blanket and I was sleeping on my mom’s friend’s lap, and she was really drunk and had to run to the bathroom to vomit, and handed me over to her boyfriend to sleep on his lap… Unfortunately the blanket was wrapped around me, so no one could see it happen. And he started unbuttoning my pants and touched me. I instantly knew it was wrong, even if I didn’t know what it meant at the time…. And I tried to shove his hands away, but his grip on me was too tight, and I couldn’t do anything about it… I so badly wanted to scream, but as stupid as it sounds, no sounds wanted to come out… Since then I’ve hated him more than anyone in my life. The fact that he’d do such a thing to such a young child. A child that young, it really disgusts me… After a few years have passed I feel I still can’t get over it. And I feel I want to forgive and forget, but I just can’t… I really can’t forgive him for what he had put me through… To this day, I not only feel disgust toward him, but to myself as well. I can’t seem to get over it… And it hurts, because I’ve also developed trust issues, you never really know who you can trust. I’ve never really told anyone what’s happened because of my lack in trusting others. I feel that no one would really care about how serious this issue actually is. So… I started to self harm… That seemed to be the only way I could possibly get over the trauma, even if it lasted for a few seconds until the next cut would appear… But, yeah… That’s my story …